Tuesday, May 31, 2005

dunno wat happen to mi.. always feel like puking... heng ..morning lect lucki i can still control..if not i aso dunno how to explain to the ger sitting in front of mi...
lunch break to went mensa.... then shalene n cheryl join us for lunch too..mensa is so crowded today..then cutie shalene..actually called terence " hairy "..lol..he was very surprised..then i explained to him why lo.... becoz of the game.. lazy to elaborate.. ok..then after lunch.. shalene n cheryl went home..while terence n mi decide to go lom lab... but then lom lab occupied..got lesson... so he suggest go study room slack lo.. then he didn see whether the room is occupied anot..almost went in to an occupied room.. and almost knocked his head against the door...i tink the ger in the room aso very shocked bah...haha..he damn paiseh xia.. but very sian.. left mi n terence.. last sem used to haf yahui, peixin, jj and johnson , terence n mi have lunch together ...now down to 2 person.. haiz..... if oni i can turn back the time...
my fren gave mi a testimonial of very sad quotes... then all were very meaningful.. but i like the last one ..it goes like tis "a guy and a girl can be just friends ,but.. at one point or another , one of them will fall for the other , maybe temporary , maybe at wrong time ,maybe too late , maybe ..Just maybe... forever..."...too many maybes.. haiz... quite glad.. didn see him le for the past few days... but i noe..i'm jus lying to myself.. i still tink of him.. and cry.. cry becoz i regretted.. shldn fall for him..shldn have confess...shldn making him suffering... and most imptly...shldn love him...

i sick le...

我在向前走却像在退后
我在用想念狂欢寂寞
越快乐就越失落
爱将我们高高举起
以后再让心学会坠落
怀念这宽阔的天空
虽然那里空气很稀薄
我努力想起你笑着哭泣
让自己深爱你再学会放弃
我不想忘记你
就算可以我宁可记得所有伤心
我努力想起你
苦也没关系
用祝福和感激勇敢失去你爱
你这个决定虽然艰辛
一个人不懂什么是拥
有两个人不懂怎么把握
越在乎就越脆弱
爱将我们高高举起以后
再让心学会坠落
怀念这宽阔的天空
虽然那里空气很稀薄

thx frenz... really thank u....
perhaps life is like tis.. i dunno... my life is standing still but i'm still alive.. haiz... 不要为你夜夜泪水洗脸 原来放手如此困难我无法勇敢..... 飞到过去回到爱你之前 我带着笑脸让你看见一如从前

swollen eyes last nite.... i'm a lousy person.. a emotional freak.... can't i jus let go... but y ? y? y do i haf to see him everyday??? idiotic michelle...... mich u jus go to the hell.........

y do u a have to force mi? treating u like a stranger..cause u to be unhappy...u tink i feel gd abt it mah? i nv wan tis to happen... u tink i dun wan to tok to u mah... there are so many things i wan to tell u..... can i??? there are so many things to consider... scare that u might be teased again...scared that ppl might blame u again... sound very wei da rite... but i meant it... i dun wan to be wei da, but i can i not be ...i nv wanted u to suffer... in fact i nv wanted anything from u.... i didn wan u to accept mi... i confessed becoz i'm straightforward...always tot that courage are for use...and i was wrong...but i nv regret abt it..coz i really do love u.... previously i dun like to hide my feelings...until i learnt my lesson... feelings shldn be shown... all i can say...if u wan mi to let go...i haf to treat u like a stranger...gif mi time.. maybe one month, one year, one decade..i dunno.. sorry if u tink i'm selfish... maybe i'm jus stubborn... sorry for everything..i noe u r suffering..unhappy... dun worry..i'm aso..u r not alone....i'm really sorry...

basically..joee is rite...my eyes hurt.. very pain..abit swollen..though not obvious... she can still see it..really powerful ..reason y do my eyes hurt...becoz tear glands can't work properly...sob easily..weep easily..cry easily...it still hurts....haiz...if oni...there is a mind reader...and can help mi... y was everything liddat... y is it..heart n eyes are linked? when ur heart pain is so unbearable.. y do ur eyes cry?

heart pain....ar...today met him...walked past him... didn say anything....tot that won't see him again..after that.. went to library... then sat in the library wif hui n shalene... at 3 ++ meet ck at biz entrance...but then mingshu haven finish her lecture..so we decided to wait for her outside the lt...then heaven like to play wif mi... wants mi to give up and let go...then why u wan to make him appear... and worst still.. see each other..didn tok didn even greet... wad kind of frenz..maybe i'm rite.. maybe frenship aso finished le....anything lah..as long he happy can le... made him suffer alot le...

for the past few days and past few nites, crying....it hurts... my heart nv so pain before..lst time. i nv noe..until he told mingshu that he was suffering too... i'm sorry... i shldn have love u....alot of things shldn happen in the lst place...if only i'm not that selfish... i shldn like him...i tink it thru.. only way to let go..is... i treat as i dunno him.....is kinda extreme.. but is fair to him.... i tink he very stress ... he gotta to stand..ppl making fun of him..then he mus aso think of my feeling... haiz... i jus hope he is happy... haiz...... y is everything against mi????????? shld i jus die????????? make life easier for everyone.. frenship...if he still consider mi as his fren..he shld haf tell mi everything..... haiz..................... perhaps dying is gd method to run away

jus now mingshu... told mi something...it hurts...really painful... i'm sorry.. really sorry...i nv noe.. u r suffering so much... i'm sorry... i will let go... i'm sorry...pls forgive my stupid act... i'm sorry...

phew...jus finishing changing my blogskin..but my taggy still got problem... ystdy nite was very lucky nite..my gd fren jus broke up wif his ger.... so sad.... i was shocked... coz...they started their relationship jus tis monday..and..ended last nite...but nowadays relationship jus like MRT rite..so fast forward de...lol...chatted wif him last nite.. hopefully he can recover soon.. though nv see that ger before...but i tink she is nice lah ... but sometimes stay as fren is betta..than in a relationship... but i tink my fren really likes her... haiz... dunno wat to say..my frenz hor..are either.. he loves her more than she loves him..or she loves him more than he loves her.....haha..i aso.. so wat esle can i say... and my another ger pal..she aso.. having big problem...but no matter there will be solution for each problem lo...so hack care..... love.....
sch going to start.....argh.....
and mingshu ..if u r reading tis..paiseh ar..last nite..shldn have ask u to tok to him..made u so stressed...sorry... but thx alot..pal...(",)

today .... went out..then came home..very sian..i wish i can see him again..he is shuai.....charming guy....

hahaahahahhaa....today at 8am..stationed at engine sch..for ushering duty..hahahahha...met tis cute dude...in fact i shld say..he looked like stephen fung...his smile...was...so charming...and he was toking to mi...hahaha..y we were toking..becoz..i'm biz orientation usher...while he was eng orientation usher.... and i was stoning at the engine block there.. nth to do mah..then his fren and he..were approaching mi.. asked mi whether i was going for engine course orientation..lol..but obviously i'm not mah...lol.. then they went away...then again... 2 gers came and asked mi again.. then he came and joined the 2 gers...lol..and his fren asked mi again..asked mi if i'm going for their orientation...lol.. obviously i noe he was jus kiddin..then tat cute dude ..explained to mi that his fren was jus kiddin..lol..hahahaha..he was so cute lah....

ystdy...went out wif my frenz.. sing..then eat.. then walk... something liddat... lazy to elaborate.. my feets swollen...went to soak my feets with cold water..to make it smaller..... becoz..hot expands..cold contracts.... now better le...is either my feet grown bigger..or my shoes are getting smaller..lol....but i missed the baked rice... V8 baked rice..is sooooooooooooo nice.............omg......i feel like eating it now...
haiz............ i miss him....... miss him badly...... no matter what class i change to...i will nv be in his class anymore.....haiz....... hate tis kind of feeling.... miss yet i cannot say... i wan to tell sometimes i quite envy u..mr. singh... at least u noe wat is she doing...at least u noe..how is she feeling...how is she doing... haiz.................

u gotta change to unicode to view it..very nice song..by jj...
心跳乱了节奏
梦也不自由
爱是个绝对承诺不说
撑到一千年以后
放任无奈
淹没尘埃
我在废墟之中守着你走来
我的泪光承载不了
所有一切你(需)要的爱
因为在一千年以后世界
早已没有我
无法深情挽着你的手
浅吻着你额头
别等到一千年以后
所有人都遗忘了
我那时红色黄昏的沙漠
能有谁解开缠绕千年的寂寞

today very fun....alp..saw ppl flying..lol..then saw mr singh... being held in the air...then see him shaking..lol.. so vulnerable guy... lst time..see him so nervous..then hanging in the air..like wan to vomit le..poor boy..he had his lunch jus before that...then xiuwen more funni..complaining all the way while climbing up..i tink she very on..lol..she tried almost everything..cool..then mr tan kim hock more funni...he was yelling louding the 1,2 left.1,2 right.while playing the trolley...until yaling buaytahan......but so farie lo....

haiz.... so depressed... so sad...alot of stuff went thru my mind... tmr going to sch...for lom juniors orientation...then mus be very happy.. mus be very happy... mus act happy.....
haiz.........................................................................................................................................................
can't slp tonite le...........................................................................................................................i wan to scream........ i wan to shout to u one day............ haiz.............

haiz..last nite..i dunno why i so depressed suddenly... went offline early..tot that i can slp early... ended up crying instead....didn slp... until abt 5am then fell asleep..night time..is so quiet and peaceful..everything so calm..so i sat near the window then looked at the sky.. very calm.. then cried again.. very lousy mi.. luckily nobody woke up last nite..lol..if not, my family gonna tot i'm crazy or wat xia..lol..... i'm a fool... learning loving somebody doesn't make them love u...
all i jus wan to tell u...If there's one thing in this world that I know is true, It's the love that I feel when I'm thinking of you
but u will nv noe....

today went for lig meeting...played the cosmic game..is sort of ice-breaker....very farnie.. all of us got ourself a new name..... i called myself as billa...lol...wanted to name myself as ..takashi kanasai..lol... but still prefer billa..... then tat cosmic game ..i tink is kinda testing our memory....and the fun part is we called our farnie farnie name.... sean called himself.. bakuta singh.. while chee wee called himself mafia... then jooee as ou yang ming..then jiaxian..is..either bexkedat. or beckemac.dunno is hwich one...then pauline..is priscilla..while pei hua..is pak ..duno..haha.. can't rem..then shenny is tatti bear..... dun blame mi if i spell wrongly...then maybel is suran.. and teckyong is shy boy..lol.. then is cheryl...who called herself...long di long..and lastly is yaling who called herself..debbie...her bear... guyz..if i spell wrongly ur new name..i'm sorry..lol..but is testing my memory..i got very bad short-term memory.... but i tink the game is fun..except for the leaders..got to haf gd memory... then we sort of brainstorm some other games lah..as in small small game...like the hippo game... haha..erm..very funny game.. quite cool...nxt time i can play wif my gd frenz..lol..they will kill mi..haha..can't imagine the person who say kiss the hippo butt...haha..maybe can play..tis coming tuesday..haha..they gonna kill mi.. after that briefing session... went to sport complex to collect all thoes stuffs..but before that joee actually requested sean, chee wee n teckyong to pose in the gym for some photos... darn funnie lo.. they were in jeans..sean even worst.. he was wear sandals.....and after that..they went to the track field... then ran...lol..it was under hot sun lo...lol...12 noon went for jogging...cool..then after that we collected our stuffs.... the tables and chairs...very heavy..but i tink the uncle shocked us ..lol...we tot he going lo ban our stuff onto his cart car... end up...he drove his 'car' away...zoom he go... hahaa... so farnie lo......we all so stunned... then looked at the heavy tables and chairs... so we slowly..very very slowly.. carried it...then joeey asked frm the other uncle to borrow trolley..heng ar...arboh i aso dunno when can we reach that alp site..lol..
as we were going back to the sport complex... to return the trolley..5 of us..i mean..peihua..shalene, teckyong, joee and mi lah...we took turn to sit the trolley..haha....i was very reluctant...coz i scared..might break their arm..lol.. they needed to push mi...so abit challenging for the 5 small ones..lol..
then after that mi n cheryl went to 800+ there..to get the water container..and i actually bargained wif..the tawkay...and guessed wat..lol.. is $36 actually and i got it at $35..lol..haha..tis is my lst time bargaining..lol..haha...abit ah soh hor.....abit stupid though $1 difference oni..lol..but i tink is fun...my lst step to be a successful buyer..lol.. learn how to bargain. and purchased gds at the optimum price...haha..
then went big bkshop..to get the materials for the notice board...mi n cheryl ..were in the bkshop for abt 1 hour..jus to tink how to design the board..then finally.. we were exhausted.. then finally decided on somethings.. lol... then we went pasa marlam..but didn shop much...we were very very tired...lol...then cheryl suggest that we go drink bubble tea... then we sat outside the shop there ..and drank lo then chatted there.. and saw a guy.. quite gd looking.... i tink he composing song.coz saw him scribbling.. then listening his ipod..and smoking...
then cheryl n i walked home.. she told mi abt her future plan..which i tink is quite cool... is opening her own clothing shop..but is for plus-size gers..she said she will hire mi as her supervisor..lol.. i wanted to be the managing director...and she wanted all her employees to be plus-sized... i support her... nxt time mus gif mi discount hor... lol... but her plan is quite feasible..since she noe how to market it..lol..so jiayou ar..cheryl..that's mean i dun haf to slim dwn..to buy nice nice clothes..lol

i tink 'not ready for goodbye' tis song is very nice, it is by all for one...the lyrics suit one of my male fren........u all shld see it...i noe is abit cliche..but is nice...
http://www.lyricsdownload.com/all-for-one-not-ready-for-goodbye-lyrics.html

another song aso by all for one.. the title is 'someone who lives in ur heart'...is darn nice...

Last night I dream that you were beside me
It seems so real that I cried
When you've touched me
You’re my angel
And you've given me wings
And I fly away with you
wherever you go
Cause you filled my heart
and you captured my soul
And baby i want you to know

CHORUS:If there's one thing in this world
that I know is true
It's the love that I feel when I'm thinking of you
No ocean or mountain can keep us apart
Coz no one can take away someone who lives in your heart
All the hopes and the dreams are alive
I'll carry you with me through distance and time
Nothing in this world can keep us apart
Coz no one can take away someone who lives in your heart

And I know there's a million stars between us
But that won't stop my longing To hold you and to kiss you
How I love you
And I'll find my way to you wherever you are
Coz you're in my soul and you've got my heart
And your love will carry me on

CHORUS:If there's one thing in this world
that I know is true
It's the love that I feel when I'm thinking of you
No ocean or mountain can keep us apart
Coz no one can take away someone who lives in your heart
All the hopes and the dreams are aliv
e I'll carry you with me through distance and time
Nothing in this world can keep us apart
Coz no one can take away someone who lives in your heart
Here in my arms,were you should be
Cause your love that makes me believe
That nothing or no one can tear us apart cause baby your in my heart

so nice.. yet .so sad... wan to cry le.. u mus listen to the song... so nice...
jus now...one of my fren told mi.. if u wan to apologize to him.. tell him personally...no point telling it in blog... coz he will nv noe... i agree...if he will nv noe..it means is fated bah...
maybe tis will be betta..if his anger worsen... we are not frens anymore.. maybe i won't nv see him le... maybe one day i can 4get le.. maybe he is not even angry..... i noe wat rubbish am i toking rite...ok no more rubbish le....i jus need an ans...`how does one walks away from all of those memories?.....
frank hope u are feeling better, i can't do it...really can't, he is my gd fren...u noe... so i end up..didn ask much,..i'm bad at that... no matter wat..u still got ur gd frenz..like hwee hsian...u noe.. be strong n brave...so stress abt it...
tml going sch again....for ig meeting... hopefully monday's event will be a success...

haha..went to sch today.with cheryl.. frank paiseh..4get to buy portfolio for u...i tot i will be going to bkshop again to get the materials ...but then when we "demolishing" the lom noticeboard..and oh gosh..it was like shit lo.. the ants nests... is so ......omg...but u look at it after sometime... actually...it quite nice..got pattern somemore..lol.. and the cutest is mr. tan kim hock...he was like.. he looked dwn at the ants...then gif thoes very scared expression..then said scary... he look like a child that time...haha...then he said see liao stomachache...haha..so farnie.... but is like real disgusting lah..so many ants..and i like to thank the cleaners...thx u very much.. thx for the cleaning that board.. then cheryl n i were like tinking n thinking abt nice design...even do research...lol.. so stressed..but i tink cheryl more stress...dun worry cheryl i'm sure the amt will be rite...dun stress k...treat u sausage..hehe...so farnie today lo..
poor daniel n ros..both were like so confused by mi n cheryl..haha...sorry daniel... i was jus kiddin... too stress le..haha... not msn split personalities...and wt sorry ar... i will nv disturb u again... sorry..wt...and ya..sorry cheryl...
then went home wif cheryl...but we didn really touch the board...coz... need to get the materials...went to 800+ there... source for it..and the water container..and the water container is so cheap...cheaper..then the big big place..lol... so decide buy frm there....
then hor,on our way back..haha..we discussing sausages... cheryl ..now i noe wat to buy for ur b'day le...haha..

..today so farnie..chatted wif sh...lol..and we were like kidding and crapping...lol... i liked her calling mi as her biao shao..lol... so crazy mi..but her biao ge very shuai ... i tink sh's sis tinks sh and mi are both nuts... and sh.. dun call mi biao di shao k... i wan to be ur biao shao...not biao di shao...got big big different hor...lol..i'm jus kiddin...
baby issac..is so cute.. he is only 3months ++ ..but he likes to tok..and i dun understand wat is he toking..lol..baby tok lah..and his smile.. so swt..... cutie pie... he got lots of nicknames..apple face lah, handsome boy, baby, etc..etc... but i like to call him..hammie...lol... he look like the baby blues comic..kid... who aso called hammie..hehe..
sian sch going to start le...sian...........

morning finally settled the stuff le...went to yahui's place in the afternoon..met jiaxian..she rebonded her hair.... met her at the bus-stop there.... sat there watched 50 lst dates vcd..since nth to do...mahjong..lousy xia...dun quite noe wat is abt..but the show..so farnie... haha... adam sandler...the rob schenider...4get how to spell his name le... so farnie aso... but i tink the story is touching.even is a comedy.. the guy...henry..is willing to help his short-term memory gerfren... so swt rite.. then he do all those videotape stuffs.... but very funi...haha..his fren..lol....

wow...long long time no blog le...how's everyone?????... ok..holiday is very fun..i'm loving it..hopefully everyone aso.....ok..lstly wish every gd mama in tis earth A Happy mothers' day.... ok... ya.... holiday going to end le..so dun waste animore time....esp u frank..i noe you are bored..lonely.... sexy(tis one i added in myself and he is not sexy) moody..cranky....haha..jus kiddin lah... frank u can do alot of stuff u noe..during tis holiday..like babysitting..is fun..trust mi... or do urself some volunteer work..haha...go to sch and buy urself a portfolio...ahahhaa... and stop using ur phone redialing thingy..becoz..it always ends up calling mi... if u are very very very sian...of coz can call mi lah...lol... dun use ur redial thingy mah...lol...
ok..tis week is going to be busy..alot of stuff to do.... and today i went to suntec carrefour..the water container..omg ... giant's is cheaper..lol...then went bedok jetty wif my parents n my 2 bros...basically... saw a shuai ge there...hehe....he is very tanned... very cool lah..and handsome..lol..he was fishing , collecting nets... but i realised fishing is something quite cruel..u see the fishes...left on the ground..struggling and then die.. is like seeing something living and cannot help ... feel so bad... poor fishes....

today..went out..wif mingshu, yahui, shalene, weiyuan , ck and daniel...go mac for lunch..then went kbox.. sang for the whole day...haha..met sean , don n rahim there aso.. hui was surprised... maybe fated bah..haha. then the waiter there look abit like lin junjie..hehe..and i actually shouted that..shld be speak loudly and hinting him tat he look like jj..but actually abit oni lah... then i sang something... haha... i sang wo de yi ge xin...cool bah..lol.so paiseh. i dun wan to be the nxt ru hua..very scared..lol...but i start to like tis song very much though.....then i aso sang an oldies wif daniel.. hahaa... xuan che...omg... haha..alot of fun today lah.. then i saying that i love weiyuan..confessing to him..haha..i'm jus kiddin..weiyuan.. then went giant then they shopped...and ate..but i went home.. too tired le..haha..i'm old..

i dun wan to see him anymore...

i dun wan to see him anymore...

very long weekend isn't it... and these days the weather is getting on my nerves...is very very very hot ... while i'm blogging now..i'm sweating like hell too... haha.. saturday i went to hougang mall...there is a pickets & rail 's road show ..and saw a shuai ge there..hehe..he shld be the sales promoter there...then quite sian.. nth much le..haha.. then slack at home ... missing ppl.played wif my bro..abit childish though..but is fun..beating and wrestling each other .haha.. jus kiddin..i'm nt that violent. then i got a msg frm meiyan n frank...frank and guyz...sorrry i can't make it to the gathering.. sorrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyy.. frank dun scold mi...
ok... to water...i miss u..haha..anyway u won't read tis..so i said it for fun..haha... long time no see u le..haha..
nxt is my dear fren..sh... relax pal...dun angry k.. maybe weather too hot le..so jus relax..and 4give him k... nite nite (",)