Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Date : 10 FEB time 10.41pm

Last day of Poly life... basically i ended my poly life in my SIP company...
today was fun..
tink i will miss him..really do..
i wish i can jus tell him..but really afraid it might backfire... haiz..
i wish to be wif him 4ever.

Date : 10 FEB time 10.41pm

Last day of Poly life... basically i ended my poly life in my SIP company...
today was fun..
tink i will miss him..really do..
i wish i can jus tell him..but really afraid it might backfire... haiz..
i wish to be wif him 4ever.

last 2 days liao... after this, i won't be able to see him le... wish time can move slower for the nxt 2 days... today lab was fun... it was considered the last lab tutorial that marked the end of my poly study life... erm... fun time is always the shortest.... haiz... gotta move on.. trying very hard..hopefully i can... i will miss all the lom frenz.. very nice ppl on earth..like a "big family"!!!

T-RANCE...FYP...Ur next says: Sorry u r not my type...

this is wad he had told me tis afternoon...
haha..... erm... it hurts abit though..
though not a direct rejection from him..
i jus asked him wad if wad if lah... i ... him lah..
erm... but i predicted this is the outcome le...
so yup... i will still cry though... but for the one last time..
haha... i am not going to tink abt him anymore. yup.

-the end-

these 2 days...very tired...yet very contented...
ystdy confessed to him
he didn believe i guess...
anyway..wad can i expect..
i'm not yahui, not valerie...
haha
wish i can see him everyday...

and most surprisingly..i met weiting in the bookshop today..
facing him directly
perhaps... i shld have say hi to weiting..but i din..
wish i can jus say hi..
but i cant...
i would love to tok to him again...

Only heaven knows,
maybe my heart will find a way

wad do you do when you know your heart is aching?
wad do you do when you know your heart is crying?
wad do you do when you know the ans in ur heart?
wad do you do when you know certain things aren't meant to be?
wad do you do when you know some wishes aren't coming true?

act as if you are fine
when you know your heart is aching
act as if nth is wrong
when you know it is very wrong
act as if it is alright
when you know it is not alright
act as if there is always tml
when you know tml will become ystdy
act as if everything will end one day
when you know you don't want it to end
act, acting, actions

life is about acts, acting, actions...
isn't it true?

nth hurts more
when ppl dun understand you;
when ppl tink you r a freak;
when ppl tink you r behaving weirdly ;
when you need that someone and you know he will nv be there;
when you know there is always tml that you r not keen to face;
when you dunno how to express yourself and all you do is to cry
when you pretend you are happy when you are not.


Be positive
Be cheerful
Be optimistic
Be happy
but wad is the true meaning of each?
when you know all these will lead to crying alone in the midnite
and a heart aching in the middle of the nite.

i have think abt It already...
if i can't get into a uni in Singapore.
I hope to get a job flying around , working overseas.
I dun wan to stay in here...
This is a place full of happiness and sadness...
both happiness and sadness made me cant let go easily
wish i am less emotional..haha..
too bad i am like that...
give me hundred years..i will probably stay the same...

honestly i got serious problem...
yes.. i do love ______
yes...again one way traffic nia..
yes... face it..tis is reality
i'm afraid.. not able to see _____ liao...
of course i wish i can always stick with _____
but we need face the reality...and the fact is i am not his anything...
who am i to say anything...
beside I am just a fat, ugly, lame idiot... haha...
life still needs to go on...

now getting my blazer
i hope i can get one... hopefully...
comeon is just a blazer not a man... i shld be able..
haha..hopefully

"Spend my life with you" by eric benet.This song is so beautiful..

Can I just see you every morning whenI open my eyes
Can I just feel your heart beating beside meEvery night
Can we just feel this way together
Till the end of all time
Can I just spend my life with you
Can you run to these open arms
When no one else understands
Can we tell God and the whole world
You're my woman, and you're my man
Can't you just feel how much I love you
With one touch of my hand
Can I just spend my life with you
Can I just spend my life with you(Forever here with you)

- The END of song -

TO: u

Can i spend my life with you?
I knew i'm crazy...
But i just want to spend it with you...
I Hope you knew

from: me....

erm... i duno how shld i say...
My days in TP going to end soon...
24 Feb last day...
i dun noe...

I'm afraid..
i won't be able to see _______ anymore..
I just wan to see nia... nth much

i'm so dead...
jus climb up from the well...

must not tink anymore...

today the online chat was so farnie.... haha
yep... dun tink abt it
be positive
keep smiling...
:)

Firstly, i wan to make a "public apology" to alan
Sorry for the afternoon incident.
Really sorry abt it.

Now back to my life and my stupid thinkings

Life gives answers in 3 ways
It says Yes and Gives whatever u want
It says No and gives u something
Better it says wait and gives u the best

but it seems that it always say No to me...
haha

nowadays, getting too tired.
both phyiscally and mentally i guess
i really hope to slp and nv wake again.
i am not implying anything
i am not gonna kill myself
just think that life is so confusing sometimes.

ppl might find i am very weird..
always wanting kiss or a hug..
maybe i just want someone to be there
around and care for me.
show it to me bah...
i know i am nut
care a person doesnt have to kiss or hug a person
totally agreed with tis
maybe cuddle with ur love ones
is so sweet

Human beings are so complicated.
cHERYL said to me
"ppl are complicated creatures....sometimes u laugh because u're happy but sometimes u're only doing that to hide ur tears....then sometimes u cry not bcause u're sad but because u're happy"
think she is right.
As we grow older, we faced more things.
realised alot of things,
understand alot of things
and most importantly
we must acknowledge that life is not smooth- sailing
so F**k to life..haha

Maybe i Know why ppl start losing their virginity at such young age
life is too F**king to live

What happened between 2 of us?
I dont know
we are not the same anymore
I wish he knew how i feel.
i really do.

I pretended I'm glad you went away
These four walls are closin' more every day
And I'm dying inside
And nobody knows it but me
Like a clown I put on a show
The pain is real even if nobody knows
And I'm cryin' inside
And nobody knows it but me

confused.
unsure.
i din know
i wish for an ans
i hope
u can give me a ans.
Who are u?

Don't know what to say
Never meant to feel this way
I really dont know
i wish u can understand
all i wish is ur understanding

whatever i do,
i wish for everyone understanding

I don't wanna live this lie
I don't wanna say goodbye

What can I do to make you mine?
Fallen so hard, so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?

But u will nv noe.

"tell myself I’m over you
But even if I made a vow
A promise not to love you Now
and try to hide the truth inside
I fail cause I just can’t live a lie"

i duno.
i'm a failure
words cant describe how i am feeling
but it hurts.
perhaps too emotional.

everytime fall for the wrong guy
and all i just wish for someone to love me

today is a very sad day.
i cried
shalene cried
lihui cried
roodee left us
i'm going to miss roodee..

ppl said
shalene and lihui cried for
a gd reason
but why did i cried?
i just wish i can say it out

how i wish u knew
and be there for me
but i know history shouldn be repeating again
Anyway time is running out soon
all of us will be moving on
into another phrase.

"Lately, nothing I do ever seems to please you
And maybe turning my back would be that much easier,
Cause hurtful words are all that we exchange"

I don know.
i hope...
i pray...
i wish...
but
" I don’t wanna try "
and
I just can’t live a lie ...

now that the picture is much clearer.
may 2 of them be happy together 4ever.
happy for them.
waiting gd news from them.

fyp ever so sucky..
i dont know how to...
is a mess

going to be quiet now
nth much to say now.
feeling so...

maybe is fated,
destined.

I aint mad at u,
sometimes I wish I didn’t know ya
but I’m glad I do
i shoulda, known I’d (known I’d)
Fall in love witcha game,
guess I had it comin
Now I, can’t escape what I’m feelin inside,
so ain’t no use of runnin
But (oh no) I don’t know if you feel me the same, you gatta tell me somethin (gatta tell me somethin)

I-I, I wish I didn’t love you


I really dunno...

LiFE
wad is life about?
lying to ourself that we are happy?
or lie to oneself that we are content.
about happiness, sadness, sweetness, emptiness...
i dont know.

Maybe life is too hard for us to understand
maybe love makes it too complicated.
maybe is the heart that caused it too profound.
maybe is just like the song
sometimes love just aint enough


i don know.
i think i need a hug.
jus a hug.
a hug from ur heart.
right from your heart.

today i dunno... many things predicted from the tarrot cards. maybe all are fated... feeling very weird now... alittle of everything..maybe i try not to tink of anything will be better.... i'm tired..but content to see everyday... life goes on from here.. in 2 months time or less than 2 months.... things going to change le..yeah..mus cheer up and be prepared.....

i wait by jordan jones

I wait for you,anxious to see your face.
I stand and watch,looking for the first sign of your arrival.
I finally see you,
I take a second look to make sure you're really there.
My pulse races and I crack a smile,this is what I've been waiting for.
You begin to approach,you say, "Sorry, I'm late."
I say, "No problem."
But I think to myself, 'I'd have waited forever.'