Monday, June 26, 2006

very empty... tink my life is so.. aimless i guess... lol
where is the color in my life..
where is the man of my life..
where is the place i called home...
where is the love ?
where is the place i can hide...

Do you ever feel lost?
Like you'll never be found
Do you ever feel broken into pieces
on the ground?
Do you ever feel scared?
Like nobody cares
Just tell me what you need and I'll be there
Cos you know one thing in life is true
Somebody still loves you


I don't know what it is about you
but you're always on my mind
I don't know if you feel the same way I do
cos we're running out of time
I just need you to know
there's a memory I hold
and I wanted to share it with you ..

awww..swt rite...
i wish i can be found by someone..lol
i dyed my hair... but done by my mama...
was coffee brown, but it was still like black to me...
anyway... last week to work wif joanna, jos and alan..
will miss them ...haiz..
last sat..went shopping wif my mum...but in the morning went for medical check-up...
then went to suntec..shop here and there...
seriously..i really hope i can own all the precious thoughts stuff....
i really like the precious memories stuff...

lstly like to apologize to frank... i'm sorry abt yesterday nite..didn mean to be crude....really sorry abt it
i understand wad u meant.... actually i aso dunno... we will see how life goes bah... if i wasnt meant to be in UNi.. then liddat lo... nth cannot be forced rite...
and bascially i got another news...i jus took up the perm job...now as a forwarding executive... pay was gd.. hehe... i'm quite ok..considering i'm jus a diploma holder.... jus signed the contract few hours ago... i can't imagine i'm going to work there for dunno how long...
morning ...alan did something real scary... becoz of my dare...he really smsed terence... and told terence that i live for terence.... basically... i wasn't afraid... tot alan was jus kiddin wif me until he show me the sent smsed... i duno... i was thinking maybe he will get angry i guess..
and yep..he was angry... i called him in the noon... haiz... i dunno... yeah perhaps i shldn call him...
i aso dunno lah... haiz.... and alan and me... sometimes i really wonder really wonder he really jealous of terence ..haha.. and today on train... not only today... i like his presence...but then... i dunno why does he always scold me nowadays... and i really really really really really love terence.... dun ask me why... he is always on my mind.. and the dumbest thing is that the lst thing i woke up... i rem his face... haha....
then jus now... i joined ting ting they all bought the american eagles sneaker online..and i aso got a taiwan bag online...basically online stuff seems cheaper..hehe...now i'm a big spender ... i hope i can apply a mastercard..if i got the time...hehe..
jus now Lim jian show me 2 links.. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gNsDp2N6yM
and the other one
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJ_8qYidXAg
really crude farnie clips man.. u gotta watch... Lim jian aso quite cute lah..hahaha..managed to find such clips...

today ar...busy... working... so sad.. my haulier so fierce...see new ppl can bully xia...almost made my shifu cried...
but i aso see how capable my big supervisor is... she is really on de man...
one word for her.... cool...
i shall call myself MissT... becoz i Miss you..lol

currently still having post hp-less syndrome.... haiz...
but then i tink i getting use without hp by my side
however, why can't i get use without him ...
i dunno... maybe he was nv out of my mind
sometimes i tot i've faced the reality, give up and let go.
move forward and look in front, there is nothing behind...
but i nv treasure the future, still holding on to the past.
and i still do miss him very much
now that i lost all the messages in my hp,
which are so precious to me..
yet it still was taken away from me...

Now i'm full of hatred
hatred to myself
I shldn be here in the lst place
I shld be gone for good
I don't belong to here

Hope there's a reason
Questions unanswered
I just don't see everything
Yes I'm inside you
Tell me how does it feel to feel like shit
Just like I do

Do I really want this?
Sometimes I scare myself I just can't let it go
Can you believe it
Everything happens for reasons I just don't know

today very sad day... i'm very depressed...
my Hp kanna stolen... so basically i'm handphoneless..
i'm depressed becoz my contacts all gone,,,and all those mao mao sent messages all gone...
that person who took away my hp... i hate u... u r so selfish... cruel...
why do u have to take my hp away.... it has the only memories left for me ...
I dun wan to change my hp...my sim card... give me back my sim card...
i dun wan u to erase from me....

why has fate been playing wif me...
i jus wan to keep it and do nth...
why can't u jus let me be...
u r so cruel....

now..i got serious heart pain..
is like my heart kanna pinched many times...
it hurts...
maybe i will get heart attack someday..and die of sudden..lol
perhaps it is betta tis way
since fate is so unpredictable...
anyway..jus wan to say some last words,
thank u to all ppl who helped me in this life...
thanks to my family, frens..
that's abt it...
thank u

today... i shall say.. in my whole life... i nv received so much email b4... today it broke my record... abt 90% of my dept email...were all mine... very busy... cool rite..haha..

I dun wan to hide anymore.. very tired... YES I LOVE TERENCE Goh....
Alan i'm sorry.. i dun mean to compare u and him...but then u kid with me lst....
i dun mean to...
U r nice to me.. dun worry.... and i will be nice to u ...lol... so yup...

yesterday nite, was very sad nitez... a farewell dinner for sha and Lihui...both of them are leaving spore to aus for studies...1 and an half years.... so together, me, cheryl, sha, Lihui, alan and terence...we went to sakura at tampines safra and went to the cathay bowl.... the food was... so-so lo... abit weird... then aso ordered a small bottle hot sake... it was definitely one of the sweetest alcohol i ever drank... me and cheryl played the darts game... it was cool at lst...but then we gave up in the end... it has so many rounds..until we so tired..the rest went to play bowling... sha too shy to play... and alan was like fooling around... terence was considered the best player...at least he got the highest score...and got the most strikes... jus love him
at sakura...we ate alot... basically very bloated... many things left unsaid.. coz we were quite busy eating..lol... perhaps..they dun feel like toking anymore... i aso dunno how to tok to him... can't seem to find the right words to tok to him and can't find the way to make it rite.... very weird.. i need to leave a gap between him and me... i dunno.... i noe i love him...but i noe nth will ever happen...so i mus refrain myself... but in my heart i noe..i love him... and i do... the feeling is real weird... u need to refrain urself...yet u wish u can open up ...but u were afraid history might repeat... i was really happy to see him...yet i mus tell myself.. i shldn be...
i wish somebody can jus help me.. having serious problem inside me...lol... u aware that..u won't be appreciated...yet u still won't give up... all i have to say mich is real stubborn freak...
but wadever iszit..may 6 of us frens 4ever...and can aso always have reunion dinner..and hopefully our every reunion dinner would have more and more members joining...lol...
today was great.... i was teased again...abt the couple outfit...previously was alan and me..now was me and uncle eric... i was hoping i could wear the same outfit wif alrich..lol.. he is gd looking man...
anyway...today at work was great...finally my very lst shipment went real smoothly... cool... i'm loving it... but i'm sad.... real sad.... i can't describe the feeling... i love him..but i can't do anything....
and one thing i will like to share here.... when u pronounce this word " Colourful" silently, u read the person's lip... it looks like "i love U"....
so terence.. i wan to tell u ... "Colourful"....

nice song... by lee ryan..old song
title : its not me...
Is this the way the story goes?
Am I not the love you chose?
Cos I hate to think that we could end this way
Who's walking away, not me
Who's taking your breath, not me
As much as I don't wanna see
I know in my heart it's not me
Keep telling myself you won't leave
My head doesn't want to agree
As much as I don't wanna see,
I know in my heart it's not me

I miss hanging around in sch with you
i miss having lunch with you
i miss having you by my side
i miss laming with you
i miss slacking with you in the library...
i miss having you correcting me..
i miss craping with you
i miss toking to you
i miss you so....

haiz..i dunno...
i jus miss thoes days with you..
simple
where r you now?

i hate to say this but i've to do so..
I miss you.

Somewhere there's someone who dreams of your smile,
and finds in your presence that life is worth while.
So when you are lonely, remember it's true
Somebody somewhere is thinking of you.

today didn go for work... i fell ill... actually diarrhoea... took mc...
then i smsed wendy..she replied me something... someting that makes me...feeling so overwhelmed... i dunno... i got the perm job... a perm job... a job that i might be working for the rest of my life...haha.. but definitely not rest of my life i guess... ultimately i wish i can be a housewife... lol... get marry and have kids... but that is jus my wish nia...lol...
and yeah...i bought coach carter the vcd...nice
i tink i'm going to take degree while working... or quit nxt yr... go for maritime studies... that shld be my plan...though not exactly detailed...but then at least i got something on my mind..
yesterday shawn booked in, today don and boon ming booked in... tml weiren, junjie book in...
day by day... i see they booked in one by one...seriously i'm tempted to join ns... at least i noe wad to do for the nxt 2 yrs...and i can slim down..lol..but is jus a temptation..lol
all the best to the guyz...jiayou ar.. takecare...
eh for the nxt paragraph
(p.s. pls dun read if u can't take mushy stuff)
eh..for him...
i decide not to hate u ...
becoz the more i try to hate u...
i will miss u even more.....
until now.. i dunno why do i love u so...
i can't let go....
coz i've nth to hold on except the memories...perhaps it will fade one day.
u will have to wait for the memories to fade away someday..
so i will try to stay away from you..lol...
i dun wan to become this way...
but there is no other way...
but stilll frens 4ever k...
love ya very much...

it's all over...today marked the end of my poly life... i'm relieved awhile but even sadder... everything after today changes... of course not drastic changes... but then yup it changes...
today saw alot ppl... all looked kinda different..some of the guyz botak already... some book in tml... some bookin 2 days later...all seems grown-up... more mature-looking.. everyone has their own planning .. happy for them ... as for me... i dunno... seriously i aso dunno wad is my plan next..lol.. work as a perm.. or hoping my appeal turns out a gd news...
eh..saw him today... i tried my best not tok to him... yea..avoided him... didn get to tok to him much... i aso dunno how shld i be feeling... wr asked me give up... told me that i seems like i wanna kill myself becoz of him...lol
ok...then took alot of pics... now waiting for them to send it to me...
adam smsed.. the whole afternoon..still loves to crap... i aso dunno wad to say... he is the 2nd guy..after william ...asked me out for dinner... i dunno how to react aso..weird leh.. so weird...
haha... jus now i jus tok to terence... lol... i asked him..do i looked very stress to him today...lol.. i requested him to tell me all his weaknesses...lol.. yeah.... he asked y... then i told him... so as to act as a proof that u r not someone likeable..... freak ...but the conversation ended badly... i didn get to clarify... he finds me irritating... and yup so appear offline... hate him to the core... argh..
i go slp le....

jus now my grandma saying.."hey oct lets go malaysia"..actually to look for my future aunty-in-laws relatives...basically my uncle getting marry soon..so happy for him ...and yeah..i finally get the chance to stay in kampong i guess... his gf is a malaysian... so my grandma is going to malaysia to see her qing jia..and i'm tagging along aso... but still mus wait until october..so yup..gottta be patience...

todaY....erm...nth special.. i was slacking at work...haha...
lunch time stayed in the company, with joanna..surf the net...
hehe...then we checked several ppl' frensters acc... we were like wooooo...oohhh... arrrr... lol
then joanna checked out our new colleague.. she is very pretty..and rich..got ang moh bf..her dad is GM ...got very very pretty sisters.. a nus graduate.. but she is arrogant... and spoiled according to someone..lol.. peRHaps is a trade-off.... i dun really noe her..but seems to look down on the temp staff... wad to do... we are jus small peas in the company... lol... ya..like wad cheryl always said...wadever...
then after work..we walked home together... as in pamelA, jos, alan and joanna and me... then michael catch up behind us... and the lst word he said was..."hey yox"..... i was like is that michael??? ya..surprised....lol... i hardly get to tok to him...we only tok when the despatch man or our colleague mixed up our documents... they always assumed documents stated from MICH is michael's documents...lol..but actually is from: MICHELLE..instead of MIChael.... basically he is our lom senior... he look like shawn tay zhu you... Yes, hui, he really look like shawn ur piggy ok maybe a older version... and like ur piggy... he aso got a very very pretty gerfren...one day i will show u his pic..if i can find..lol... he is aso new staff there...but more experienced than us...
actually he aso very cute lah..lol.... then after pam they all alighted at citi hall... leaving me, alan and michael...we chated all the way back in our mrt ride...at lst tot he was cool..but actually he aso tok alot..haha... and actually i realised something..both of us got someting in common... he got unqiue surname aso... , then waiting to be perm staff there.... then michelle is feminine form of michael...lol...
ok... then jus now ..william called me...was darn surprised...lol.. that busy fella.. always busy with gerfren..nv noe..he still rem me xia... lol..haha.... gLad to hear from him again...lol...
eh...yup..i changed my hp but haven got my new hp...so using another hp now... i deleted all those saved msges from him...all thoes pics...my fyp video gone forever.... almost cried... afterall i'm with the hp for quite sometimes as u noe... must learn to let go...lol..so i gave up my hp... but i will miss you....
eh.... nth much to say... ok... i musn't say abt u today...if not frank gonna complained to me again...lol.... frank if u r reading tis...please... i can't find 8 person u noe.... so chill k... contact u again

i received a email from Lihui, i found it very meaningful. want to share it here...

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. (or for you to offer the same FOR or to THEM).

They may seem like a godsend and they are..
They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on. Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

thank you.

coughing...
sick le
tired le
but my eyes nv seems to be tired of crying...
lol....
michelle shame on you... y do u have to cry...lol
dun take it too hard...lol
lol.....
RIP Michelle..

missy HUi made me cried again... nah she really didn make me cry is someone esle...but mentioning his name.. i dunno..
then comes frank to scold me again , ask me to close down my blog...
many have asked me "have you let go"...
it is not like i dun wan to...but i can't let go..
i got nothing to hold on..how to let go...
very tired... dun wan to say liao
i dun want to be unhappy...
i wan to be myself..the happy one...
i dun wan to cry in the middle of the nite...
anyway..today was practically slacking day... been chatting with sharin the whole day at work..
surf net... but later part of the day got some work from sharin... then have noodles cup lunch at the small small pantry... we were chatting abt the company... the "we'" are refering to me, cheryl, joanna, joscelin and siti. while chatting.. i realised siti very talented...she sings, she participated the previous singapore idol contest..but gave up halfway and then she dances salsa... and she noes taekowndo..i dunno how to spell lah...lol.. then very nice young lady...envy her..
after lunch at the pantry... joanna , jos and siti went to amare shopping..while me and cheryl went back to office... alan aso came back from his bK lunch with his dear gerfren...
tink alan didn feel full after the lunch... he requested a cup of noodles from me... but he left with no choice but to choose the tom yam noodles... i noe he hated tom yam..lol... then he went on ranting, "michelle, you've changed lah.. u no longer care abt me le... u only thinks of TG...u noe i hated TOM yam yet u chose that... becoz of TG rite.. he loves Tom yam...dun tok to me lah..blah blah blah."... then he went on ranting those words...until he reached the pantry and my ang moh boss looked at us.., in the pantry he still goes on..lol...but since he finished the whole cup
but honestly..i not purposely get that tom yam noodles..i bought many kinds...jus he suay bah.. left with tom yam..
basically...i'm still coughing badly... very sick... so scare to spread my coughing to everyone in the company... dunno y... i seemed to lost everything... losing grip of everything...
somebody save me....

why can't you jus make my day?
why can't you jus entertain me by saying u miss me too instead of asking to look for someone esle?
can't frens jus miss frens?
why do u have to tink more than that..
why can't you jus tink that i'm a fren who is missing a fren aso...
i've already have no any contact with you le...
why do i 've to cry? freak
why do we have to drift apart ?
why can't you jus lie to me?
since you tink that way
i'm not going to any gathering that has you around.
happy..
are you?
i really didn’t mean to ramble on
But theres a lot of feelings
That remain since you been gone
I guess you thought that I Woulda put it all behind me
But it seems that theres always something
Right there to remind me
Like a silly joke Or somthin on the T.V.