*loves:
*loathes:
years of existence: 19
preoccupied with: eating, sleeping, cooking
,
throbbing, sighing, reading, flying, star-gazing
{chocolate
{nature
{fireflies
{him
{waterfalls
{stars
{plastics
{back-biters
{pests
{back aches
cheryl}
emily}
Shihui}
yahui}
weiren}
chee wee}
fira}
sulin}
daniel}
Saturday, September 23, 2006
woah... one week just passed liddat.....
and i have experienced many things for this week
5 days like 5 yrs..lol.. wat can i say.. i mean so many thing happened at one go
for the past few days.. i was freaking busy....
last friday, i just took an effort to clear my desk. i mean my working desk.
it was neater when i left my office around 9pm last friday.. i mean the previous week friday...
then the week after, monday after work..papers were covering my desk again...
basically, i hated my desk.. freaking untidy
sometimes i duno whether to consider myself lucky or suay..lol...
i got frequent and standard shipments unlike some of my colleagues...
but is like never-ending work... problems after problems...
the procedures repeat itself again and again...
and for the past 5 days... i've been staying in the office for whole days..lol
ya..lunch in everyday with my bread.. freak.. too lazy to walk out... mentally exhaustion...
rayna said..hey mich i long time didn see u eat le..haha
then comes the dumbass system... i seriously dun understand wad the hell did that bloody sickening fella was doing or which nut actually proposed the idea to come out with F**King system.. integrated system... over my head body...it took away most of my time in the company ... guess i think that fella must kinda psychotic manic..lol... pls dun let me see that person... becoz of the freaking system i became the most hardworking employee... i stayed in the office until 9pm this monday... the last one to step out of the office... hence leaving me with not much for me at home..
and ya.. in my whole life, i dun rem breaking any law... until ystdy... i got a letter from the custom...stating that i've commited an offense and gotta fill in a letter swearing that i admit of commiting that offense... got to pay a penalty of 50 bucks..but my nice boss say the company will pay... i've to say my boss and my big boss and colleagues are so nice...
very grateful...but i was very very very gulity to cause the loss of 50 bucks.. but when i saw the letter.. i was like" freak... great now..lst i've committed offense wif the custom, wad's next... "
F**K
wad happened was that i underdeclared the import shipment total invoice amt... i agreed that i was careless.. i'm not denying it...but comeon you look at it another way.. u got spend at least 2 hours to get the document right..then spending around an hour to calculate the invoices and the invoices are like 150 pages that kind of thing and it can go up to 300 pages at one go..u gotta check everything is right before you start doing the permit thingy...then spend another 1 and half hour put those data into the trade net.... imagine doing it almost everyweek of your life...
but of course , i went to appeal with the custom hoping to salvage the situation...i mean i'm willing to spend an hour to re-do the permit...but yup the appeal was to no help... guess they needed 50 bucks alot... why would someone wans to purposely create the wrong invoice amt.. i mean i'm new... human make mistakes or perhaps ppl starts to treat me like a god or someting becoz i dun eat anymore...... F**k... but yup.. no point crying over spilled milk... so i cursed and sweared lo.... haha.. so yup.. i have committed an offense lst time in my whole life..
beside that... erm.. yup.. i met new ppl again.. got new namecards 3 guys all from carrier company and yup.. kinda awkard ... i mean is like you talked to them on the phone and is like virtual... you nv tot you will meet them in real life... ya.. kinda weird.. and most of all.. i dun have my own namecard to exchange with them... Sh*t...lol.. but wadever.. but i tink i prefer meeting Jerome...he looks at humble.. and nice.. ya... you mus be thinking how come i met those ppl.. actually they happened to pass by my company.. and came up.. then look for my colleagues... and happened that i always got their shipment.. then i was dragged along to talk to them lo...
but to be honest.. i prefer working in the nite...office quieter without ppl mah...lol.. then ppl tends to open up them when ppl in the office..so you gotta chat with your colleagues in the office..coz no restriction or no need to restraint..coz all important ppl already go home liao...
then i gotta chat with justin last monday... he was sharing wif me abt last time when he worked in my dept... he told me when he was handling the shipment last time now that i am handling... scanners were not a popular option to transmit the documents... coz this shipment requires our origin office which HK now, used to be Shenzhen... have to send the documents over..to Sin.. hence our origin office will actually faxed the docs over... imagine 300 pages of paper.. to be faxed over one day... somemore office..last time so many ppl were using the fax machine...
so he gottta waited until 11pm then can go home... i was like wah kao... lucky i didn born early...
actually i find justin sometimes very cute..lol.. he would walk very slowly and quietly to my desk coz he needs the chop to stamp on his arrival notice.. i guess his purpose was not to disturb me so he walks that quietly... but u noe lah.. i was somehow a freak..i tends to get too engross into the pc and papers i got no idea wad is happening behind my back...lol.. then i always got a shocked from him xia... got once almost wan to hit him xia.. u noe is like is ur reflex action...lol... lucki i stopped jus in time.. but not only him.. many ppl aso.. always got a shock from them... perhaps i was too engrossed with my work le... so i miss many things... :p
then this week i got so low..until i cried even with my eyes opened... is like the tears just came down from my eyes..... i dunno understand y.... all i wanted is to slp and rest... maybe i too tired... like too many things to cope....
i feel like running away ...hoping someone could take me away.. care for me.. be with me.. save me from any situation... run away with me...haiz..
then got one day ..i miss him alot alot alot... until i typed out the sms...lol.. and i actually smsed it to alan and cheryl instead..haha.. i dun dare to sms him.... was really sorry.. i mean didn mean to sms alan and cheryl that msg... ya.... very silly isn't it.. was really stupid i guess...
ya..anyway...very long entry... for this week..haha..
sorry hui.. ysdty i was working till 9pm...was so busy at my tradenet station..didn see my phone rang...so when i called you u didn ans... so sorry for not meeting ystdy...
ok... we will meet someday... keep our finger cross...
lol.. that's all folks for this week... takecare peeps...
Sunday, September 17, 2006
today was a bad day to start wif ...
fell ill in the morning..
actually i wanted to head back to my office to do my work..
but then yup..sickness came and visited me..
having serious flu and headache.. i guess i'm having fever rite..
then tml.. i need to accompany my grandma and my bro to the orphanage..
i dunno wad will be like.. hopefully i will be alright tml..
and i guess the coming monday.. will be seriously screw up..
i dunno.. i need to pray.. cross my fingers
so envy...
lihui told me via email her coursemate ( is a guy) also from singapore brought them, actually
drove them up the mountain top to watch the nite scenery of australia and they
stayed there to watch stars...
i was like.. wow...
i always wanted to do so on a mountain.. star-gazing...
.. but nv got the chance to....haha.. doubt i will have any chance aso..
just cheryl shared wif me a very nice phrase.. but is in chinese...
it was actually a buddhism phrase...
it was saying that.. to be able to pass by a person in this lifetime, it have to take at least five hundred times to meet or contact in eyes with the person for your previous lifetime.
very sad..
if it is true.. i hope i meet or at least contact in eyes with everyone i like for at least five hundred times...
but come to think again... i was hoping not to meet the person again..
perhaps every thing is fated.. things aren't meant to be ..just let it be...
i dun miss you badly...
it just that i will miss you when i switched on my pc
i dun really think of you...
it just happen that i will think of you everytime when i'm alone
i dun really miss you...
it just that i miss you when i dun want to...
I dun think of you like i used to do...
it just that my eyes are wet when I'm thinking of you...
whenever I'm online.. i was hoping to see you..
but you are not there anymore..
whenever i'm slping... i was wishing you are in my dream
a dream is a dream
and that's so sad
but rest assured i dun miss you so..
coz you are on my mind all times...
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Its amazing how someone can break your heart
But yet you still love them with every broken piece.
perhaps it was the stubborness in her...
or the person just doesn't understand of wad does letting go means
or maybe she can't let go...
but i tink it hurt her badly...
as she doesn't have any feelings anymore...
or she realised she will nv find her real love..
becoz she is so ugly..lol
but think back...
she is kinda funny..
she would in cry in the middle of the nite
so that to ensure no ones knew abt it...
somemore cry in the toilet...
wad can i say
guess, she knows she shld be grateful now
at least she lives in a world with many other things..
so she decide to save up....
then go out of her comfort zone...
hopefully go around the world someday...
perhaps she will know one day wad is the real meaning of love.
isn't life so funny and unpredictable....
many things u wanted yet you can't get it in the lst place...
when u decide to let it go...it return to u again ....
take michael for example... really happy for him..
at least he got something he wants in the end...
which is great...
take today for example..
tot many thing will not happen...it still happened...
wad can i say... i shld nv wish for anything...haha
erm..basically was quite shocked to noe that don knows abt that T thing..
ya.. i dunno.. ya..overwhelmed...
i tink i shld be digging a hole now.. i mean..everyone now thinks i like T...
i mean.. i dunno... guess..i dunno...
Sunday, September 10, 2006
was kinda low for this few days..
been crying for the past few nitez...
doesn't really know what is going on.
and don't wish to think abt it.
seriously i dunno wad i can and wad shld i be doing...
cheryl said something really enlightening somehow.
she said " since you can't change anything now, then made the best out of it"...
ystdy he went in le..
wad can i say..
really got the urge to sms him..
but can't do it..
just can't..
ya..feeling much betta now,
perhaps becoz i have been crying for the past few nitez...
watched all the fast and furious series..
basically..inspired me to be a racer cum police officer..lol..
paul walker is such a handsome dude..
so in love with him now..muahahaha....
there is room for improvement for lucas.. i guess..
yeah.. i want to do santa Babara to look for Paul walker..haha
so cool...
Thursday, September 07, 2006
1 more day to go...
i dunno..
for many thing..
the more i wanted, i nv get it..
i dun wan any frens...
becoz i will lose them someday...
I dun wan anyting anymore..
becoz i will lose them anyway..
sometimes perhaps i was too emotional..
dunno why... cry too easily....
please tell me wad shld i do....
losing my grip..
i'm so lost.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
我真的存在着我一直存在着
2 more days...
I thought everything has over, have become past. become memories. and memory means nth
but why is it so painful till now when ppl mentioned abt u.
i dun mention abt u,
i dun wish to rem u.
becoz u nv treated me like a fren.
and i duno why do you treated me that way.
feeling very miserable.
was hoping to say out my feeling...
but i dunno how.
i feel like heading to the beach someday...
yell and cry out loud...
is not that i dun want to acknowledge u as my fren..
is not that i dun want to wish you by sending u sms...
but i noe you will be irritated by me..
i dunno why.. even a simple sms.. u got annoyed..
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
ystdy nite...went to have dinner wif huisian, shihui and frankie.. we went tamp safra sakura..
lol..basically is sorta like a dinner before frankie going to his "how to be a man" service...lol.. the food so-so lah.. i just like to argue frankie..lol.. pls 4give me.. but u noe.. u are real fun to argue with..coz u will tend to be very upset de.. hehe.. i jus like to suan u hehe.. wad can i say...jie mei mah..dun angry k..hehe
tired le..so tired le... enough of clicking my mouse...idiotic mouse.. i stayed so late at my workplace...becoz of wad..that freaking dumbass system...
Sunday, September 03, 2006
Nice song... intro to all
Christian Millian, "Gonna Tell everybody"
I don't wanna say I still loved you
It hurts me everyday thinkin' about...
haha
Sometimes the things that don't seem right
Leads to the best thing of a life
true isn't it..
lol..yeah be positive
went to dog farm today,
as usual, many dogs and owners hanging around there..
then we went to get bengi's stuff..
then shun bian pass by a nearby dog "shop"...so called lah.
that shop is so ulu...lol
anyway...that shop mainly selling maltese and terrier..
but i prefer his dog..hehe..so cute xia..so small..and quiet.. is actually a senior white maltese..
but so small like a soft toy dog..i tot it was a toy actually..until it started moving..
so swt and small...i wish i can bring home xia..lol..
and the owner aso very nice.. he was alone inside wif his long hair terrier..lol..
but he is very kind.. and he gave a big pack of dog food for free.. thx u ..
anyway...dunno..feel so much betta now...
i dunno wad will happen tml... but wad is there to worry aso..so i will wait and see..
Along the way,That's where I'm supposed to be.
Along the way,In the spaces in between.
I find my place in the middle of tomorrow and yesterday,
If you're going there, look for me along the way.
It's who I am, it's how you'll be,
It's where we run.
Letting go of everything is the hardest part when you start along the way.
nitez.
Saturday, September 02, 2006
woke up real early today..
around 5Plus am..
got serious headache..
haven been slping well lately..
either nitemares or bad dreams..
freaking tired..
then went out real early..i noe it is a saturday..
but knowing i gotta do it tis time..
my heart was so peaceful when i'm on the bus..
perhaps..when u go to somewhere new.. u feel afresh..lol
almost fell aslp in the room while waiting
i was pretty brave and forunate today..
i shall said i was lucky to ya..
shall not elaborate here...
yea..is my lst step to be independent..
ya..slowly i guess..
now nxt move..
i need to.. yeah..
i dunno whether it is right or wrong.
but i guess i gotta accept it.
i can do it de...
actually very puzzled and confused now..
used to have ppl to advice me wad to do, wad not to do..
realised i have been listening to ppl instead..of listening to myself
guess this time, i shld be listening to myself..
i know is not easy..but i can de..
yes.
came back from home...
i saw someone on the road..
he is in the car..and he is driving
lol.. he got his own car now..
see how time flies...
he was someone that scrimped and saved last time..for a few cents..
now.. he drives a car..
guess he is out from his NS...
wish him all the best..
when ppl is out from something, there sure be someone into that something..lol
javier and frank is going le..
in then out..
life is liddat bah...
wad goes up, will come down..
so yup...
dunno when u will be heading out
takecare of urself. eat more lah. though u eat alot aso lah.
erm... ya... takecare lah.
ya. dunno wad to say aso lah.
I can do it.
i wan to say sorry to 5 ppl lst..
i mean i duno wad to say rite now.
i will reveal to 5 of u soon...
but not now... please 4give me.
but i need to be left alone.
Friday, September 01, 2006
today went out during office hour wif annabelle to my clients company..
reached there early...and freaking me actually left the cheque at my desk
...haiz.. it was opened up my horizon...
after visiting my customers...chatting wif anna in the cab...it was amazing we actually chatted
i mean i was pretty nervous toking to her..
as she is a angmoh.. and she speaks real well..
very admire her capability and her courage
she left her homeland during her uni vacation for overseas temp job..
and went to south africa for internship
went to so many parts of the world.. nv afraid of anything.. language barrier.. and culture and stuff...
she is real cool.. and she asked me to go out and see the world
coz i will learn more.. nv fear of going out of singapore to work..
she aso said...once u left sin, u will appreciate wadever singapore has..
dun tell anyone.. dun be afraid and go for it..
was so inspired by her words..
she is definitely very very very capable lady.. wad can i say..
she is pretty, elegant.. and funny at times..
she admitted that she might be a ang moh..but she very local ang moh..
i wish i can be like her... haha.. but mus wait liao lo..haha
compare her to me....
she is like flower blooming...
and me like a piece of shit on the ground.. i'm so weakling...
wad can i say.. haiz..
so if i got the opportunity, i'm heading out...
actually i've some kind of dilemma..
i dunno wad to say..
jus so tired..
really hope to have a long slp
before i start a new journey...
4get the past and look forward to the future..
after work , went to tm..wif cheryl...
ate mos burger again.. haiz..
i dun wan to eat.. nv feel like eating..
my stomach like so bloated.. i dun understand y..
i dun feel like eating...
anyway..she is on the topic of having baby..
she wanted to have baby..
and as for me.. perhaps few months ago..
i still was hoping to start a family and have babies..
but rite now, i dun tink i will ever want..
i tink its unfair to bring another person to a world like this..
it is a sad thing..
i dun wan to have a baby or start a family becoz i dun wan to grow old alone..
it is very selfish.. just becoz u dun wan to grow old alone, u start a family..
perhaps it is a weird way to think liddat...
but it got cheryl pissed off..
then she asked me a "if" qn...lol..
she asked me if i got drunk one day.. and got pregnant...
will i go for abortion...
funny qn..isn't it
i kept telling her it is impossible.. i will nv get pregnant...lol..
she got pissed off again...
for someone that once scolded me why i always asked silly qn..lol.. and now
she asking me...
sometimes i dun understand y does she got pissed off so easily...
she is quite demanding sometimes.. i dun understand y...she wasn't like this in the past...
perhaps everyone changes... just like me.. cheryl said i became very quiet always sound so.depressing..lol.. i dunno.. perhaps i was... esp one whole day work... lol
everyone can see other weakness, why can't oneself see their own weakness...
life is so farnie...
everyone has their own mindset..
and perhaps everyone has a reason behind it...
be it is positive or negative.. is up to person to agree upon..
i dunno...
i hope i can either have a long break if not i feel like quiting le.. i need a break...
i need to see wadesle i can do..
actually doing volunteer work in south africa aso not bad....
i will see how time goes...anyway.. ya... one person.. easy come easy go mah..lol