*loves:
*loathes:
years of existence: 19
preoccupied with: eating, sleeping, cooking
,
throbbing, sighing, reading, flying, star-gazing
{chocolate
{nature
{fireflies
{him
{waterfalls
{stars
{plastics
{back-biters
{pests
{back aches
cheryl}
emily}
Shihui}
yahui}
weiren}
chee wee}
fira}
sulin}
daniel}
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
JO omeara's songs are so nice... i like her "relentless"....
Story BeginsStarted as friends
They know it starts to show of
fFeelings are changing
Find yourself thinking
That all of the time
They're on your mind
Chance to smile
Wait awhile,
a lonely call
Late night at home
A funny conversation
Leaves me contemplating
I wonder if you know, I want you so
I can't stop these feelings
Tearing me to pieces
hiding everything away
But can't you see my face
My tears relentless
Wish There Was Away
I wait for the day
you'll confide in me (yeah)
And we will talk all night
And when the time is right
I'd say, oh, what would I say
Why don't I just say it
Everyday I pray it
this is meant to be
But don't you come to me
and i'll love you relentlessly (yeah)
Have I been here too long
Just to let you know
I got it wrong (yeah)
I'm thinkin what should I do
Should I take a chance and end up losing you?
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
change my blog url..guess only one person has the URL...lol.. that is hui...
i dunno...
life u cannot fall into pit...
if u fall into tis deep shit...
mus quickly climb up..
now i'm so fucked...haiz...i'm so depressed..
Friday, December 23, 2005
ystdy was such the weirdest day.... i experienced the lowest point of my life( though i dunno whether is it the last lowest life in my life) then i aso experience highest point not of my life...perhaps the festive... i mean christmas... went for the tp alumni party... it was great..the food was nice... i like the honey ham... and i tot i might find " the one" in the party but it was jus a thought... nv going to happen unless i'm really the cinderella..and lim jian and teckyong gotta check their eyes sight... they told me that guy was wearing a white polo tee..but he was not.. making us feeling so excited.. and Mr tan ...real high ystdy day...tink he shouted yamseng the loudest... was fun lah..imagine i will return to the party nxt year as a tp graduate... oh gosh...time flies...
now back to sad stuff.... actually very tired liao... i dunno... feel like jumping down but tink i dun have the courage... maybe i still can't get over some stuff... and yap sorry cheryl..sorry for making u running around looking me... i'm sorry... i jus can't... haiz...
alot of things are puzzling me... basically i dunno...maybe i noe wad is going... jus that i dun wan to face it bah... maybe i'm ready to face it ...maybe tis is the only way i'm going to face...
tink i'm a big big big failure...i really miss the old me... used to be real cheerful...positive... i wish i can say it out... but i can't..... i'm sorry... i'm so crybaby... tears jus flow so easily... i wish i can be stronger....i'm trying very hard...very hard....
how i wish i can return to normal... but i tink the old one will nv return...
everything seemed to be against me.. i'm bad at leading... bad at talking...bad at choosing things...bad at expressing myself..... everything seemed to be so terrible...is all my fault... . i need someone to tok but i dun have to tok and the person can underSTand wad i'm tinking...
perhaps i'm taking things too hard.... perhaps i shldn be around... perhaps i shldn be living here..
i dun wan to be wif u 2 becoz i wish to be alone.. if i choose to be u 2... i'll be a huge gooseberry...
alan told me to open up... ya..i'm opening up.... i jus dun wish to be a huge lightbulb...say i'm crazy or anything... it jus hurts... dun ask me why... i dun wan to be accused again.... i'm mad...lousy...dumb wadever... i jus dun wan to be there...
i dunno... maybe time is not right yet... i wish life can be easy on me...
every part of my body hurts... head, legs, gastrics, stomach, lungs, and the heart... it hurts.... perhaps... is a sign to me that i'm leaving soon... happy to noe that... nth to worry... i noe ppl find me irritating when i said i'm dying soon... yet i'm not... so hopefully it will... hopefully....
ok...shall end here...enough said.... nitez...
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
ok...MM u betta listen up.. u r really confusing me sometimes, i try not to tink so much liao... but i dunno y is like u are making me so confused... if u like her...go for it... i already tried to help u liao... so dun say i third party lah...ask u to send her home..u dun wan... 3PL can only help to certain extend nia.... really need to haf a gd tok wif u... and can u stop gif me ur atittude... treat u nicely..kanna scolding... dunno wad's wrong wif u xia...though alan is a very kiddy sometimes, but he treats me more nicely..than u do lo... tink i jus dun wan to tok to u liao lah.... u r confusing me... and u betta treat her nicely .... be her king kong...
I need a shoulder to cry on
i need u to hold me together till is over
I just want to feel loved instead of all the pain
But i no longer have to say
Coz No one's listening anyway
I'm falling apart
Reached the end of the line
Just looking for your place in an ordinary life
But No one cares...
No one's listening anyway
can i have your arms as my shelter
I need Your hiding place forever
I'll love you more than life
Friday, December 16, 2005
tired... need to be strong..alone in this lane..dark,scary, long lane... but i'm a big girl now....can't turn to anyone.. mus be independent... help...yelp... haiz... i mus be strong.... phyiscally strong..mentally sick... dun wan to say anything liao..... as long they happy can le... life is too short... i wan u all to be happy... when u r happy...as long as u are with the one u love... is ok.. i'm happy for u too...
i guess u should noe how i feel...
thank for making it rite....
this shld be the rite way...
hurt it...
kill it...
slap it....
thank for waking me up...
prevent me from falling...
i'm jus tired... life gotta move on... someone jus take my life lah... haiz
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Firstly, i want to thank lihui, cheryl, joee, shalene, huisian, shihui, william, mingshu, yahui, sulin and mao mao..thx for remembering my b'day..and sending b'day wishes to me, and gif me surprise..gers thx u so much for the cake.really appreciate ! and william , thx alot for the airborne badge and the letter u wrote... i'm touched.... i'm 19 now. as wad joee and mingshu told me..big ger liao..mus be mature.. mus xiang de kai... i will definitely....
how time flies.
been one year after my 18th b'day. i still rem how i celebrated my last b'day. i was late. i shook his hand, he wished me happy b'day. it was definitely one of the best hand-shake i got.
rite now, 10.39pm. i haven got his b'day wish for me, shldn be so greedy. i got a group of gd frenz out there for me wishing me happy b'day. i'm contented. but somehow.. i dunno.. missing smth... how i wish he is one of the frenz there too...
ok..now mao mao... i dunno wad to say... make urself clear...sometimes i really dunno why u treat me liddat... maybe u dun feel anything lah... or maybe i shld be clear to myself... things aren't meant to be, then let it be. let it go...haha.. and cheryl..if u r reading this... i wan to thank you for everything... i dunno whether u dun like him anot.. i tink u do..and he aso and i guess there is smth going between 2 of u...haha... time will tell... dun worry...
tink everything will have an ending, be it a gd one or bad one...it mus end someday... i dunno...actually today i got worst feeling... i wan to breakdwn..but i tell myself..today is my lst day of being a 19 yr old...dun wish to cry ... think i have said enough... gd nite ppl
Monday, December 12, 2005
today 12 dec one day before my 19th bday..being crying after coming back to sch...
so weak....so messed up... i dunno..i saw weiting.. the distance is jus one hand away..i can say hi..but i didn do it... regret...
then that maomao... i dunno..sometimes i jus dunno how to react and behave in front of you... cheryl said u r aware that i likes you... but so... i dun mean anything to you... u said it yourself... tink i'm not going to sms him or call him liao... wad is the point...when he dun even wan to ans my phone call... not your problem anyway..so heck care... i'm really confused wif my feelings now... i like u to be around..but i hate to be wif u... i dun wan to fall any deeper... my fren said i'm jealous.. haha... wad a joke... but i dunno...i'm confused... very messy in my heart...
think seeing don is the best... he reminds me of thoes stupid, farnie, gd old sip days... i hope to erase everything.. my memory... wouldnt it be nice...
Friday, December 02, 2005
You know sometimes there come a time in your lifeWhen you love something you got to let it goAnd even though you might feel there's still something thereYou have to wake upStop leaving in a dream cause it's over nowYou got to think about youI have always wondered whyWhy I can't live without you babeAnd I'm longing to be your ladyI understand that you are leavingPlease don't leave here without me babyCause I think I might go insaneChorus:Cause everybody needs someone to loveAnd I know that it's trueAnd I know that it's youI don't understand why you can't be my manSo I better wake upAnd stop living in a dreamYes I better wake upCause I can't lose the love I never hadYeah I better wake upAs painful as it seemsYes I better wake upI cannot lose the love I never hadEvery time I close my eyesI see visions of you and ISharing love of a special kindI got to laugh to keep from cryingTo hide all the pain insideCause I can't get you off my mindChorusOh, it made me realizeI don't want to live apartBut you don't know how hard I triedWhat do I have to lose?Oh, I think a little bit more than youAnd I doubt that you will see thingsClearly before it's too lateChorusI never had, never had, never hadBreak it down, break it downAll the times I've criedIt made me realizeThat I was only living a lieBut you don't know how hard I triedTo make sure you were satisfied yeahCause I thought you were only mineAnd I doubt if you will see things clearlyBefore it's too late, too late, too lateI don't understand why you can't be my manOh everybody needs somebody to loveEverybody needs somebody yeahBaby, baby, baby I can't live with youAnd I doubt that you will see things clearlyBefore it's too late, yeahOh you hurt me so, you hurt me soI can't lose, I can't loseI can not lose, I can not loseI can't lose the love I never had
long time didn blog liao...yes..today is my last day of sip..and it jus ended..
i'm feeling kinda weird..and i actually wanted to cry when it ended...not becoz of my grades..not becoz i'm leaving that company ... it jus that...when u start getting use of smth..u dun wish to lose it again...is like a habit..then gotta change again..so weird...
sometimes i wish i dun feel anything...is so empty now.. i dunno...
i wish time can go back.. i wish 2 of them can combined into one.. then the one can treat me the way i wan him to.. isn't it great.... but is a dream that will nv come true...i'm really sad...
y a person can like 3 person at one time...when we are suppose to like one person at one time...
y is everything going against wad i always wanted...many things for me to ponder... wouldn't it gd if i jus die... very tired leh..keep tinking.. sian... i'm slow.. now still wan to torture me....
i don't know. I'm sad. I just don't want it to happen so fast and end so fast. I don't want to be sad. I don't want anything. I hope I don't feel anything. I hope I can die soon. I hope I can rest in peace. Cheryl said I'm too negative. I don't want to be so negative, don't know.
PLease just let me rest.... Think life is too much for me take. I don't know. may not be able to take it. Pls 4give me for leaving so soon. when time is up, nth can stop the time from moving... Pls 4give me. Thx you for everything....