Thursday, June 30, 2005

shihui..i got ur letter... as in the letter u wrote for mi... thx alot.. very touched by ur words...thx for being there for mi... love ya.... i gave up le.... now i hope i can be his fren..i will be very happy le..i'm even happier to meet ppl like u... and many other ppl... learnt alot from u all... learn to stand up when u failed...learn to cry from u( i mean u...shihui)... hahaha... haha.. learn that something jus doesn't meant for mi....
... like wat u said...life is too short to cry...but long enough to give it a try... i tried le..but failed...very badly as a matter of fact..haha... haha...but is alright..coz i will nv try tis again.. haha.. a very bad fall indeed... move on rite...
actually i'm quite surprised u mentioned that some ppl in msn still ask abt mi..and wat happened to mi...haha... i noe it is very silly to put thoes sadistic nick... but then nice mah..haha.. sad nicks sometimes jus touched our heart easily.. rite...butterfly gurl...
haHA...AND last nite ..i did something..very daring move... i smsed weiting.... a frenship message.... erm.. i dunno if it is a right move...but then i really wish to be his fren again... haha... crazy mi rite... i
i aso dunno why... recently.. i got tis feeling...that i mus finish or do watever i always wanted... i dun understand... i hope nth is bad going to happen... got tis weird premonition... i dun understand y... maybe i'm leaving very soon..haha..choi choi... but then watever iszit...i hope u( shihui) can be happy... ok... ur try is a success one... it will definitely be forever... cheers!! love ya...*muack* and if anything happens to mi... dun be sad k... mus keep smiling....


jus in case ...something happen... tis is wat i wan to say to my dearest frenz (not in order k)
shalene, u takecare of ur health k... dun stress to be too stress...relax...everything is going to be alright...
yahui, seeing u so happy... i aso happy for u.... hope u can be forever happy..dun stress aso..let it be...i always wanted to be a sai...but.. haha.. still ... reality and dream are different...life..haha..
mingshu...haha....u most easily laugh de... not much worries... haha...i noe u like dragon boat..very nice hor the boat... haha... shadow very nice...but kel aso not bad...haha..mao mao aso not bad... haha... very hard to find gong tao nowadays.... but i believe... beiying will realise ur presence one day... and maybe u 2 might get together... or maybe someone esle... haha... u will nv noe...
ck's turn..basically he is the lostlove most , go kbox wif him..he will sing very sad songs...sing him until i aso very sad.......very nice pal... console ppl very good aso... ya..ck u too slim mus eat more k.. very happy to noe u... so glad....noe that u r too busy... for ur projects..hope u haf fun k..haha...sarcastic mi.... takecare...eat more...
round round aka weiyuan...very rational... he very gd at tao li... haha... very fun lo... always can play wif mi ..but then msn always bo chap mi de... tok to others or play games..but is alright... wat to do..i not pretty gers....haha.. always call him my dear lah..blah blah...blah..haha.. very er xin mi .... but u mus aso takecare ur health k....
yaling... the most poor thing de... haha.. last time matchmade her... to someone esle... i'm really sorry...nv noe it will ended tis way..but then lucki u r forgiving... thx yaling... u aso mus eat more ar... u like getting slimmer...but then u always like very busy..mus eat more de k..takecare... debbie still needs a mama...haha...find debbie a dad...
joee... wat can i say leh... haha... you shld be the most capable among all of us... u can handle tings well...haha...arboh can be lig president....jiayou k... u aso very low-profile...haha..but then mus eat more aso... put braces very pain de...
ar my cheryl darling and lihui..gettin to noe u and li hui...i shld consider myself very lucki... u 2 made mi realised wat is xin fu.... haha... u always tell mi to be stronger...waking mi up from my stupid dream and realising i'm so xin fu..haha yea... u mus be more strong k... console whoever is sad...haha..u will light up their life... haha..maybe u can do volunteer work... u jus like my da jie jie...haha...
s...n... i dunno whether u r reading anot i hope u noe i'm refering to u...coz i noe u dun like ppl to mention ur name...erm..i tink ur life has so many ups and downs....but many ppl out there aso suffer even more than u..... i dun noe how u really feel rite now...but if i were u... i will definitely sad...of coz i'm in no right to tell u anything...is ur choice...but then move on bah... time waits for no one... treasure watever u have now...maybe the pain in u..will subsidy one day or nv... but we mus learn to withstand the pain..if not, u will be suffering alone... not the person u love..
ok..mao mao... eh... i dunno wat shld i say leh..u always very de ...haha... i dunno lah... u mus jiayou k...prove to ppl that u r not a gay... actually..i aso dunno lah... now always wif u... very sian to see u everyday...but then on every thursday if didn see u... also weird weird de...maybe becoz... i jealous of u can slack at home...hahaha...
emily and sulin... we really long long long long.............time didn go out eat liao..haha...miss thoes days... eh... i tink we got alot to tok bah if we see each other again... going to miss u all... love ya... takecare k..
i realied my frens list is going on and on... haha..i got so many to say... maybe i shall continue tml..... ok lah...to be continued tml........

dunno wat is going on... i hope tml will be fine...everything.... no more tears no more sadness... i'm not saying i'm crying..but ppl around mi.... i learnt to take things easier liao le.... life is short... if u get to meet different ppl..is all fated...is destined... regardless is ur boyfren lah, gerfren lah ur gd frens, ur ex....even ur husband/wife..ur family members...if u can get to noe them and related...u shld consider urself lucki.... out of millions ppl in the world..and u get to noe them ... we shld be happy, contented...there is a chinese saying... i 4get wat is it...but i noe duno how to express it....but anyway.. if there is any unhappiness/misunderstandings between u and ur fren/ex/husband/wife/gf/bf/family....even strangers.... 4give and 4get...let it be....everything happens for a reason... maybe we might know wat is the reason..maybe we will nv noe why it happen... maybe we knew it..but do not not how to avoid it... jus let it be... haha... i dunno why life mus be so complicated...maybe for us to learn..and ya...nv say anything if u nv meant it...u will regret for sure... confirm de.... we can't turn back the time... and we don't have to...why? becoz wat meant to happen will happen one day..and since it happened..no point thinking it anymore... haha....weiting...hope u are reading tis... i mean i'm really sorry tis time.. let go le... erm...i noe no matters how many times of sorry i said... no use de.. i jus hope u are happy k... frenship 4ever!!!... hope tis world can be a better place to live...everyone will be happy and have fun living...

finally... i tink i gave up le... yeah...cheers ppl... dun wan torture him and suffer myself liao.. haha... i won't change my msn nick though..i like it..haha.. love is indeed blind... no more love love thing liao... hai..make ppl go crazy... make ppl stress....make ppl sad...yahui i'm sorry.. dun stress le... let it be... since is ald liddat.... going to change my blogskin soon...after i come back from the malaysia trip... yeah...hopefully i can 4get everything...

... i learnt somethings..in life,when u love a person.. u mus prepare to love that person..and dun expect anything back from them... saying it is easier than done... for mi ..i dunno... all i noe...if u love that person... u hope that person is happy..healthy and fine...if the person is sad..u will sad aso..tis is mi lah... i dunno wat will happen to mi..if he got a gf..maybe i will be happy for mi... maybe i will let go... i dunno... in reality.. we are not able to predict anything... that is life bah...
maybe i can cling on it forever and nv let go..maybe i will let go tml... and nv rem wat happened and 4get everything... life...

i got alot of questions....If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homelessor naked? If a 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days ayear, why are there locks on the doors?If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from? If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
My imaginary friends think I have a mental Illness ..i tink i'm sick.. hey you tok to mi!!!!!!!!!!!!!

today..feeling very sai... i dunno why... maybe i noe it..but i dun wan to tink abt it... hai.........
i'm so idiotic...y am i so selfish.. its time to let go...but y am i still clinging on it... very stupid fucking mi........ very selfish mi.........

today dinner went to beach road..for sha po fan... before that.. drove past geylang streets... erm..saw lot of women.. u noe that type so-called "social escorts"...erm..many many of them standing there... lst time seeing so many...
then after dinner..papa.. wanted to go mustafa...but then aso many many many ppl... then ended up..jus sat in the car...slack...while my dad drives around singapore.....haha....i'm crazy...........
WT>>>>I WAN TO TELL YOU , I MISS TALKING TO YOU !!!!!!!!!!!! ARE YOU SEEING TIS???????????

today very busy ar... morning ...went for tutorial...then accompanied mao mao..go eat...then 2 hours lect...then lunch break..went to design canteen for lunch..then meet william..to discuss abt his stuff...but met emily outside library...long time no see, Emily!..haha... then william tok abt his stuff lo....lst time see him so indecisive...haiz...i aso cannot help him much...he gotta do it...
after discussion wif him... i walked back to biz sch..i saw wt...he was walking toward the biz entrance..we were walking opposite direction...but facing each other..... i saw him...he saw mi... i wanted to take the lift...but to avoid seeing directly..i opted for the staircase intstead... i dunno... we were both obviously avoiding each other... and i tink it sux .. it really sux... i dun understand why do i cry everytime when i mention or see him... sux.... i dun understand..wat the hell am i thinking.... i dun understand... but it jus hurt deeply in my heart... i hate tis feeling...
There are times when I cant decide whether to see you or not, I want to see you because I miss you but there are times when I dont want to see you because everytime I do, the fact that you dont see me the way that I see you hurts me even more ...
hai... anyway.... after mm lect, got iG bonding... tis year i tink there are potential leaders... then we have our icebreaker...then after that is sort of free time for the ig members to choose their dept they wan to be in... then cheryl....haha..stress time... 4 ppl wanted to be in her dept...but then the 4 ppl..finally came dwn to an agreement... leaving one guy to be in the treasury dept.. then i very lucki..got 2 guyz under mi... very thankful..at least they chose secretary post..coz initially... no one wanted secretary post..i was so afraid.. thank god... and thank guyz...haha..
after that was refreshment time, but i gottta go..coz.. i felt very gulity...mao mao had waited abt 1 1/2 hour... then discussed the assignments thingy...very stress....but soon it will be over... but then i very gulity coz i left early for the ig bonding thingy... sorry gers... i very rush... really sorry abt it..

sometimes i dunno shld i be thankful.. when i miss him.. i will get to see him.. but if fate wants mi to let go...he shouldn't be appearing again.. at least not in my eyes views.... why put him somewhere i can see.... haiz....everytime when i see u...i wan to cry..today saw u..sitting there alone.. wish i can jus walk there to say hi.. but.....
To me the hardest thing is when i see you, i have to walk away pretending i din see you and i dont love u....but i have to do the hardest thing everytime... dun ask mi why i love u... i have been asking tis question for zillion times.... hai.. i wan to tok to u......
I understand asking you to love me is like asking a candle to stay lit in the rain... if oni i nv confess anything..maybe till today..we still are gd frenz..very gd frenz...
Trying to forget someone that u love is like trying to remember someone that u never knew.....
πρέπει να κινηθώ .. αλλά πώς;

北风好不留情

把叶子吹落

坠落的它他选择的逃脱

叶子失去小心风

才感觉寂寞

整个冬天

北风的痛没人能说

我从来没想过

我会这样做

从来没爱过

所以爱错

我从那里起飞

从那里降落

多少不能原谅的错却不能从来过

happy birthday round round!!!!!!!!! may all ur wishes come true k!!!!!!

finally changed my blog's song...wanted to change to sukiyaki...but i can't find the right link to put in my template..hence i changed to tis song... is by ahdu n jj.. song title : xiao shuo... i find it quite nice...
today is a very long day for mi... i had QM meeting at 10am... tis morning...then lunch break...for abt an hour...then lecture for 2 hrs..then 2 hrs of tutorials... Qm assignment abit sian... during lunch break...someting very scary happen...a moth landed on my neck... then both natalie and mao mao...were like so shocked...scared mi xia..when i saw their expression...tot something on my face or wat sia...hahaha...after dunno how many hrs of meeting...cheryl called mi...then i asked shalene to tok to mi...hehe... but then the mi is not mi...is "mao mao."..haha.... i tink mao mao aso sian liao...i'm always the one disturbing him..haha... i aso dunno wat to do..other than that... very sian lo...but quite to my surprise...he is a peranakan...as in half oni lah...his mum is one.. then natalie aso half peranakan...i mean she is a nonya..... and i'm one quarter nonya..lol...my grp full of peranakans...
dun wan to tink so much liao.... quite dehydrated...no water for many days....

old songs are still the best... sukiyaki..so nice... the words in the lyrics are so meaningful...

It's all because of you,

I'm feeling sad and blue,You went away,

now my life is just a rainy day,And I love you so,

How much you'll never know,You've gone away and left me lonely,

Untouchable memories,Seem to keep haunting me,

Another love so true,That once turned all my gray skies blue,

But you disappeared,Now my eyes are filled with tears,

And I'm wishing you were here with me,

Soaked with love all my thoughts of you,

Now that you're gone I just don't know what to doooo,

If only you were here,You'd wash away my tears,

The sun would shine,Once again you'll be mine all mine,

But in reality,You and I will never be,

Cause you took your love away from me,

I don't know what I did to make you leave me

But what I do know,Is that since you've been gone

there's such an emptiness inside,I'm wishing you to come back to me

If only you were here,You'd wash away my tears,

The sun would shine,Once again you'll be mine all mine,

But in reality,You and I will never be,

Cause you took your love away from me,

Oh baby,You took your love away from,

Meeeeeeeeeeeeee...

tis is our fourth week ..

time flies in tp...

...

realise lots of things i didn do yet....

lot of words i didn say it out yet....

time is not waiting for anyone of us...

but i'm still standing still

only of you

歌手:green day
i wish i could tell you

but the words would come out wrong

oh, if you only knowthe way

i felt so long

i know that we're worlds apart

but i just don't seem to care

these feelings in my heart

only with you i want to share

the first time i caughta glimpse of you

then all my thoughts

were only of you

i hope that time goes by

you will think the same about me

many nights awake i lie

i only wish i could see

i know that we're only friends

i hope this feeling never ends

if i could only hold you

it's the only thing i want to do

...almost one week liao..didn see him le...... i dunno how i shld be feeling... happy... extremely happy... extremely fine... sad...extremely sad... wat shld i do...i mus solve tis one day... no i shld leave it tis way.... both parties are fine, healthy..happy... though i dunno whether i'm happy anot... i dunno... alot of dunnos...
i dunno... argh....... alof of stuff stuck in my heart...i cannot say it out....!!!!!!!I CAN"T LET GO!!!!!!!!!!
and i tink i goooing to die soon... i start to hear funny funny things...omg...wat is happening????????? y is somebody toking to mi??and singing to mi??? or it is my hallucination?

jus now i was reading someone esle blog,my fren ask mi to read her blog.. she wrote something quite nice.. in fact i tink she is very gd in writing poems. but i dunno who is she..hahha... the poem goes like tis:

Don't come back into my life

If you know our past is haunting

Don't come back begging at your knees

When you know things aint the way it is

Don't try to help me solve my problems

It most probably will cause more confusions

Don't try to pull me out of the trenchhole

I most probably would slip and fall

Don't try to be a nice guy

I always knew you are one

I can't tell you who and why

But i can tell you that life is changing

AndThe past always remain a past

Like it is just memories

Happy or sad

It is just memories..

Of a path walked down once..

I am bad at communications

I am not perfect

I am not anything you would want to find in a girl

I am bad at appreciating someone

I am bad at understanding someone

I am bad at promises

I am bad at trying to make you feel happier in life

I am bad at everything

Sorry.

written by tis unknown gurl...

time to move on... live a life that matters...i read from the new paper..is a small piece of article..

is toking abt tis writer's mum actually sent him e-mail with a heading: 'live a life that matters"

she wrote a few meaningful quotes. examples like:

"what matters is not what you learnt, but what you taught."

"What will matters is not your memories, but memories that live in thoes who loved you."

"what will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what."

and i like this last one the most, " what will matter is not how many ppl you knew, but how many will feel a lasting loss once you are gone."

and unfortunately, his mum died suddenly the very next morning..

haha...today mao mao..so farnie.. during lunch break..i ask him not to eat too much seaweed...coz according to sharky..she said eat seaweed can help to grow hair...lol.... he shldn be taking too much seaweed le...hahaha

today apple suddenly ask mi whether do i still tink of him..so sudden questiom... i tot i got rid of him off my mind... i'm wrong.. i dunno why... i jus wan to cry when i tink of him.. feel very gulity.. feel very sad... i didn wan it to be tis way.. apple said he is a bad person.. he is not...all becoz of mi.. he isn't... he is nice guy.. down-to-earth... all his sufferings... all thoes teasings.. haiz.... i'm really sorry......

how do i get out of tis???? i nv will......... haiz.......... i really duno....... wat shld i do... why do i always see him????? why am i still talking to myself????hoping you will have the keys to my self ....every song might calm the weather but it just draws me deeper...move on ..tis 2 words doesn't seem to be working.. jus a simple hi... but i still can't do it...... i dunno... haiz.. my heart contracts very tightly now and then... very pain...but knowing you are suffering... i feel even worst ... haiz....dunno wat happen to my heart muscles... maybe dying soon....perhaps is the best way... dunno... maybe shldn leave the world liddat...but if is predestined... we won't be able to stop...

想念是一种危险 会让我离不开你视线 只存在一张相片 让我们能够怀念 曾经也可以笑得很甜....
saw u today.. i didn dare to say hi again... i dunno.... feel like crying...
some courage..don't have to be built up.. it is always there..just how you use them..

So what is Love? I don’t know, I haven’t found it yet. Maybe I’ve found it, but lost it. Liken Love to sand. Hold on too it too tightly, the sand will fall from either sides of your palm. Hold on too loosely, it will fall from in between your fingers......

today go sch for 2 hrs... to attend QM tutorial... mr lim's tutorial quite interesting... before tutorial....i saw hui sian..ck and jia yi... huisian dyed her hair..she look like..erm..i dunno how to explain.. i still pr3fer to see her black hair.... then tok awhile wif ck n jiayi..
then after tutorial... terence said he wan to eat...so pei him lo.. then met mingshu...lol..she actually called terence "mao mao" which mean hairy..lol..he went diao..lol....then saw eks..he left his helmet on the table... and i actually said he drives ...lol..wear helmet to drive car...stupid mi..
tml log mee... haiz....