Monday, May 29, 2006

woah... last week was a sickly week for me... lets tok abt last fridAy... i worked OT until 8pm... due to the dumb tradenet declaration thingy.. then arranged the delivery schedule wif calvin and chia... basically it went smoothly but after 4pm..things abt went abit hay wire... i didn get to finish my work.. due to the schedule thingy... changed again.. so i called calvin and understand liao.. call chia did my explanation and gave instruction.. thinking everything is done..permit declared..very happy...yeah... nth went wrong... so went home sickly..prepared myself for nxt day....but then...things went the wrong way again...early in the morning my hp kanna bombarded by 2 very very funny fellas..missed adam's calls..and donald's calls...but i didn notice and didn ans his call as i went to see doc instead... then came back duno.how many msges we smsed each other..until buay tahan i called him.. coz my finger very tired aso liao...then explained to him again..wad was the email i sent the day earlier abt. actually it was a very very simple email....basically he shld have cALLed chia....then nvm...
so explained liao..yeah.happy.. i was tinking "woah...i finally done wif my work..."..i was wrong again... basically humans make mistakes..i 4give myself... ya..who is donald.. u mus be asking tis...
donald.. is someone i aso dunno..basically..i met chia and adam once..but not donald... all of them from one company btw... donald was adam's colleague.. and he speaks very weirdly.. basically..he left a msg in my voicemail...asking me to call him back....but for god sake..he didn even leave his number in the voicemail..how do i noe his number... but then i get to tok to him..in the noon..coz he called me again..haiz..yes... i was sick.. sore throat.. feverish... and gotta work... he went on "blah Blah..blah..pleasure to hear your voice... blah blah blah..." basically i dun understand wad was he toking...i jus heard one phrase "pleasure to hear your voice"...i was like... hey i'm sick..down wif sore throat..lol... ya.. he went on toking... but i didn really pay attention....i knew is abt the email thingy again... u guess adam didn tell donald..or adam is playing wif me again... anyway... yup. i already explained once..so yup i did it again... then yeah.. hanged up after that..i was so relieved...i can free liao...woahooo...but then gd things dun last long...
i got a higher temp again... perhaps i tok to long on the phone... then awhile later donald called again.. he was toking all the time... basically wad was he toking...i got no idea...i was sick man...
basically my whole sat was spent wif my hp... i was pretty annoyed.. Lihui kept smsing me in the morning..kept asking me tue canot anot... it is obvious cheryl will nv wan to.. told Lihui.. cheryl will nv go..still insist me to go ahead with plan...but nobody will wan to go..... she jus takes things to simple... sometimes i really dun understand....... then comes adam...then donald... at one point of time...i feel like smashing my hp...lol... but i'm not so violent..
so i decide le... save up more...changed a hp... change a number...leave spore...
somewhere where i can have my own garden. then i watch stars in the nite..lying in my own garden....a big and lovely home... a dog...ok make it 2... since i already got bengi... i can do my own cooking, baking... fell in love wif someone who loves more than i do.... takecare of him... he does his work...lol... yeah...simple and naive... but that is a wish... if it ever happen... god mus have made a mistake too.
but i was jus wishing.... yeah pls 4give my dumbness... haha.. anywhere changed hp nia... i say until leave spore,,, yup..i'm still sick...rite now down wif cough..lol...
then later that afternoon...got weiren's sms.. asking me whether i joining...at one point of time..i really wish i can go...but i'm jus too freak sickly...both mentally and phyiscally...
then i called peixin informed that i not going..apologized to her, then she said..."T is going aso leh... u really not going"....
actually yes...i was really hoping to see him again... but i mus let it go...
let go means no hope... nth... in fact.. i mus face the reality....
yeah lots of regret for not going...but even heaven choose to let me sick on that day... perhaps it was fate bah... it jus wasn't meant to be...

eh...busy lately..nah..
basically no life... lol...
miss him terribly..didn tok to him for quite sometime le..haiz...
YES I MISS HIM ALOT ALOT ALOT....
i Noe he doesn't appreciate me... he doesn't care abt me... he don't even noe i love him...
and most importantly..he didn love me...
BUT i still miss him and yes I LOVE HIM...call me dumbass, stupid, a freak bah...slap me nxt time if u see me and do something that hurt me.....maybe i will not miss you anymore...
ok enough of this... lets tok abt last week
working ..home... working...home... been repeating this kind of routine thing...
eh. but. tis coming weekend gonna be kinda busy... if according to the schedule slated...
thursday after work go kBOx..but not confirm yet..due to the disagreement of venue...
then friday...maybe wan to date wormy hui.. or haha.. maybe go drinking wif adam, adam always said i bo sim wan to go drink one..say i insincere..lol..then wormy hui kept tinking of eating nia.... still pondering.....
then saturday... morning go temple wif LH, shalene, and cheryl..but then go bugis shop shop..since i getting my pay real soon..hee...then afternoon mahjong session...
then sunday... either going to TTT b'day party or family dinner... dunno lah... stress lol..
then nxt monday on leave... going for my BTT ...stress...haven study for the test yet..
basically.. i wan to go shopping once i get my pay..lol... i wan to go many places leh on monday...hee

empty
sad..
lifeless...
things always happen at very weird timing
i tot i won't get a perm job there le...
all of sudden..big boss ask me to go for the IQ test and interview
all of sudden... joanna told me..can appeal for uni..
all of sudden... i'm sick...
all of sudden... i feeling sad...
all of sudden... teared in my dream..
who is avoiding who? me or u ?
u dun reply my msg..
i dun get to tok to u .. lol...
hate to make decision... working or studying...
i dunno...
time passes real fast during working...
time passes real fast during studying...

today screwed up a few things at work... haiz...what to do..i'm just a human...
spent my afternoon doing invoices calculation...and spent around an hour chatting with adam on the phone....
he is very funny...lol... and lame.. laming things around.. then smsed again...funny xia...hopefully he can treat me lunch or dinner someday..lol...
lol..the gers were toking abt the dragon boy guy... he is actually married...awwww...so sad..think he was the most gd-looking there..lol..sad xia..
and my company doesn't allow us to use any messenger thingy...so sad...
got apple strudel treats from esther... very nice though i didn get to finish it..thx esther...
ya.. i dunno why... terence is always on my mind..lol... dun ask me why...lol

things i've done today
------------------------------
1.despatch documents..
2.photocopy documents.
3.called cilian..asked her abt the fcl shipment thingy
4.called chia...asked him abt the DO attachment
5.called nancy..asked her abt the new address of the company...
6. do the invoice for this thursday vessel..
7. filed in docs.
8. called chia again..ask him abt the Do and schedule delivery..
9. do calculation of my lcl shipment
10. received call from chia..ask me to despatch docs to him...
11. got a called from calvin
12 called chia to inform him abt the changes made...
13 faxed permits to cilian
14 called cilian... asked whether received anot..
15 do permits for lcl shipment
16 called chia again... haiya...i aso 4get why i called him...lol
15..too many things..dun rem after item 16..lol

basically...calling chia everyday... today even met him on the way to work..scared me xia.. waved right at my face...funny fella... lol
very tired...but at least my mind was occupied by work... lol... but he is in my heart...so doesn't really affect.... lol...
eh..tml going to be a busy day AGain...fun but tiring..hopefully i stress can slim down faster...hee

How do I say goodbye
To what we had
The good times that made us laugh
Outweighed the bad
I thought we'd get to see forever
But forever's gone away
It's so hard to say goodbye
To yesterday
I don't know where this road
Is going to lead
All I know is where we've been
And what we've been through
If we get to see tomorrow
I hope it's worth all the wait
It's so hard to say goodbye
To yesterday
And I'll take with me the memories
To be my sunshine after the rain
It's so hard to say goodbyeTo yesterday

you told me " i almost forgotten u"....
i wish i can reply u " But i nv will..."

perhaps in everyone's life, i believe we met different kinds of obstacles, different kinds of changes and different kinds of people.
and we have most probably fallen down or stopped into the obstacles or crossed obstacle without a single bit of strength or some attempt to cross but ended up in a bad shape. some have run away from changes, hiding away from the various changes. But some bravely face the changes and accepted the changes.
some ppl we met in our life became the best frens of our life...while some ppl came into our life, left immediate and nv return... while some ppl came into our life, stayed and annoyed u ...
on the other hand, u wish some ppl can always stay in your life to annoy u for the rest of ur life...
but things always turned out to be against ur wish...
perhaps there is one song that best describes
it goes like this
Have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry
Have you ever needed somethin' so bad
you can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words but they don't come out right
Have you ever
Have you ever

basically... i just found my old pic... very sad man...
i was so much slimmer then..during my sec sch days..freak...
i was so freakish-looking now...fat..ugly... god help me...
but i'm more determined to jian fei now...
haha..
same...didn get to see him online.. i dunno...px , weiren...tell me... give up bah...
trying very hard now.... i dunno...

basically.....he dun reply my msg anymore.. he has been missing.... i dunno wad happen to him... perhaps.. he was avoiding me bah...
sometimes..perhaps only stranger can help me stay happy bah...
today met LH and sha, with cheryl... went to sch..had our lunch in norgan..but they dun sell the set lunch on sat anymore ...everything is changing bah....
haha..LH said cheryl becoming more and more like me..the way she speaks.. i mean the old me... the one that is always so lame... childish sometimes.... cheryl was devastated after hearing that...
then Lihui aso find me quieter liao... or shld say.. i tok lesser le.. dun feel like toking anymore... lol...
or very tired of living sometimes.. u got to face all sorts of ppl..faces... words... lol... perhaps i got a brain cancer and die the nxt day..lol.. woah...
i dunno... yes i miss him badly...

"all out of love" by jagged edge
I wish I could carry your smile in my heart
For times when my life seems so low
It would make me believe what tomorrow can bring
When today doesn't really know, doesn't really know

this week was pretty busy almost everyday OT.... and i've have met new ppl during work... i met chia, adam... i only tok to them on the phone regarding work.. get to meet them ystdy... eh.. adam was shy..haha.. he said i runaway after seeing him... but no lo..i was merely standing behind the wall..coz very weird mah..lol.. totally different impression... he dun look like that kind that sound on the phone... he quite nice to chat wif...been chatting wif him on the phone during work...lol.. and he plays pinball...during work... then complain no time to eat..lol.. funny..
hopefully can meet for lunch someday.. but he is working in tuas..lol.. but honestly he very farnie..
then i've lost contact wif ____, after weiren told me he got a gf...basically i was very sad... but then i dunno wad to say... still dreamt of him often...but that were all dreams...i hate to dream....
last nite i dreamt that he is not going to tok to me anymore... and i cried in my dream..lol..lame i noe..
i dunno wad to say...but i'm happy at least i'm working... make myself occupied...

today i was so busy... haiz... busy yet i can't let the pain stop...
didn't have my lunch... dun feel like eating...
cried... but my tears doesn't seem to flowing last nite.. freak...
i mus let go......
but it hurts...
i didn wish to love someone ...
i wish i didn wish so hard...
happy for him if he got a gf..
and the sadness is tearing me up...
please let me go...

bon jovi have alot nice songs... example like" its my life, have a nice day, always",etc. .. and recently i found one song from their album quite nice too.. very simple lyrics yet very touching words..
the chorus goes like tis:
I am, When you think that no one needs you,
sees you or believes you
No one's there to understand
I am,
I'll be there to be that someone
When you think that no one is there to hold your hand
I am
I ain't got no halo hanging over my head
I ain't gonna judge you, I'm just here to love you
I am, I am
yea.. i like it..simple..but meaningful..

went out today.. and ya..yesterday polling day..the election results still the same ..lol.. PAP won except Hougang and potong pasir... and this is the lst time of my life...stayed up late to see the results... suddenly so interested in politics...lol... dun ask me why... then around 11.30 pm ystdy, i got a missed call... an unknown number displayed..return his call..but then no one ans... .i tot wad happen xia... dunno whoes.. was asking around my frens and ppl..but then none of them were aware.... until tis morning then found out is my farnie uncle...

i aso dunno wad to say... perhaps u really dun like to tok to me bah...
i blocked u ..yea !!!! i'm just cheating on myself...foolish...
really hate michelle... she is dumb, ugly, idiotic...big fat fool

today met the lovely 6 of them again.and again we are late for work again....shuhui was late so we went off lst... was raining..so..alan had to borrow umbrella from joanna again, then i shared my brolly wif joanna...lol.. she very poor thing..coz whenever lighting strikes.. i will scare and instead of holding the brolly straight.. i will use my hands to cover my ears..lol.. ok.ya.. very cowardy action..but then i just hate the lighting and thunder things.. lol..
then we ordered mac delivery... and then we had our lunch in the small small ulu ulu pantry..
though is small..but very cosy... coz 7 of us squeezed in the pantry...lol.. then alan told us abt his gf... honestly i aso dunno how to comment... perhaps..i tink for to maintain a relationship requires both parties to maintain..instead of one sided bah... and dun ever take ur partner for granted....
then learn new things abt exports from eunice.... actually very interesting...honestly i look pretty dumb man... i have a hard time navigating the system things...and eunice kept giggling...but she is very very very nice... very patient lady.....wendy aso...and not forgetting shila...i'm so lucki to have 3 of them to be my colleagues... but around evening time, wendy told me she won't be in the office for the whole of nxt week... yea... i was practically "sweating" man, seriously.. i dunno...but i noe i mus stay chilllllllllll..... so yup...nxt week i will be responsible for dunno how many shipments.. 4 bah...holy... pls pray and wish me luck nxt week...lol..gd luck...
hui is leaving to taiwan tml... so gd... wish i can join aso..but yup..i can't... lol...
then i 4get to mention this special character i met him almost everday...he got a nickname by us..dragon ballz coz i dunno wad his name aso..lol... he look abit mixed blood..but abit only..maybe becoz he got a goatee.. yup..gd looking lah.. alan tinks so too..lol.. yup..he is special....
and y do i find him special..becoz of his goatee...reminds me of T....
dunno how was he doing...
yup.. very foolish me..
yup still misses him..

haha...
go cry liao..gd nite...

i was busy the whole day... and i'm always so blur...printed 43 copies of 20 pages... really very sorry abt it... yup... i can't deny i'm a real forgetful sotong.. haha..
i wish i can be aso so sotong..when comes to love stuff... haha...
very tired and slpy.. staying awake jus to see him online...but up till now he is still not here yet..perhaps he is still outside somewhere...
yea very lame rite..lol.. ya.. very dumbass of me aso lah... still rems sometimes stare at the msn main window looking at his nick for a long time..but dun dare to say anything to him.. always trying to start a convo... but..yup real lame... alan say i might as well save screen the msn main window then make it as wall paper..then i can see him online everyday..lol..ya... ok... shall tok no more ... my eyes are getting droopy..
i mus catch some slp le..lol... nitez..

went out for the past 3 days..long weekend..
today went to cemetery becoz to visit my great grandmother's tomb.. she was a catholics..a rose lover..bought her roses... actually when i look at her pic... it somehow reminds me that i will look like her when i'm old... lol.. dunno... got tis strange feeling.... then went to the hay dairies farm..feed the goats.. very funnie.. one of the older goat.. like to yell xia..lol..
then sunday afternoon, went out with my grandparents and my papa to visit my grand uncle who is my ah gong big brother.. and i called him tua bei gong... no kidding...
i still remembered the last time i met him, he was so healthy, fit...but now he was already a sad, old man.. very ill.. with bloated feets.. i aso dunno.. wad happen...
he has 3 wives. lst wife my grand aunty.. she passed away with cancer.. but i guess she was also very sad when she passed away. but i like her.. she loves to call me hamburger when i was young becoz i'm so round..lol..... very nice lady... still rem went to their company place party... she got many grandchildrens... but i doubt i still rem them lah.... coz that was like so many yrs ago... My granduncle 2nd wife was his lst wife sister. then 3rd wife.. in thailand with 3 child... actually i aso dunno how many child he have..all i noe..i call all his children, uncle and aunty.. coz he really got a big big family... but now he is living alone... very poor thing look at him liddat...haiz... he was once a rich man..but then now... i aso dunno wad to say.. hopefully he will recover soon.. takecare...
then saturday very sad but aso happy lah..very mix feeling..haha... met up wif shalene...went to her place... wanted to play mahjong..but then he didn come..last min changed his mind..he always do that... i dunno.. then lacked of one player..so we decide to play monopoly.. that was fun..hee..coz i kept winning and cheryl was pissed by my winning attitude.....but yup it was a boring saturday..haha..
i'm not sure whether is it becoz i've take things to hard or becoz you meant something to me... everything you said,didn't come from your heart,now i'm wondering where you are,cuz you never meant what you said... i dunno..
i've been thinking... if only we can go back to the past... change everything... perhaps.. i won't be thinking of you right now... and force myself to let go...
i dunnooooooo... And what would you say if I called on you now?
lol... if only i really went missing on alan's b'day party... then i didn hear you asking "where is mich"... if only is my halluncination...lol... i dunno...
if only i dun spend my sip with you ...perhaps... things will be much better...
if only i dun spend so much time wif you.. didn realise u are that dumbass...
if only i change my class... perhaps i won't get to noe you...
is alright anyway.. doubt there will be another again... so yup... i'm nt going to think anymore (I'm jus lying) haha